In God's Hands

Birth Story!

2011-03-01T09:19:00.004-06:00

Wow- I don't even know where to start!

First off, I'm sorry for being MIA, I really just had so much to say that I didn't say anything! I know that sounds crazy!

Okay, so here is a VERY condensed birth story of my little man:
I went in to the doctor for my 40 week appointment, on September 23. This was my due date. I was still only 1 cm dilated. I asked for an ultrasound to see if we could determine how big of a baby I was going to have (remember my dr recommended a c-section due to the size baby I was going to have). They determined he would be about 8 lbs 14 oz. These things can be a pound off either way... so at this point I said, I'm ready, let's do this! So we scheduled a c-section for noon the next day.

Fast forward to that night... the Mr. had to go to a meeting with work, I told him to go. My parents came into town that night and planned on staying until after little man was born. I started having contractions right after they got here at 4:00 p.m. I was in complete denial! When they were literally 5 minutes apart, I said "Mom what do I do?!" She said, "Get your stuff let's go!" It was about 6 p.m.

I think I was so convinced that I had a plan to have this baby the next day, there was no way I was in labor! haha

We got to the hospital, the Mr. met us there, and by this point my contractions where to the point where I couldn't talk, or hardly breathe through them. They were ALL in my back! Oh the pain! They hooked me up to everything, and checked me - I was still only 1 cm dilated! The nurse left to call my doctor to see what she wanted to do. I just remember almost crying to the Mr.... "Please don't let them send me home! I can't do this at home!"

The nurse came back and said, Okay you're having a baby! I had told them I was scheduled for a c-section the next day, so please just do it now. My doctor agreed, and so they were about to ship me off for a c-section.

- Time out right here.... all the way to this point I was almost convinced that I was going to be pregnant forever. Seriously. I just couldn't imagine anything else. -

My parents were debating if they had time to run and get dinner... so they asked how long it would take. The nurse said, "oh, you'll see him in about 20 minutes"
What tha?!
I couldn't believe it would be that short!

So, they wheeled me down the hall... the Mr. had to stop and put on scrubs while they took me into the room and gave me a spinal block. I was having contractions through all of this so it made it very hard to relax while they did this. I remember seeing lots of people in scrubs and they were all talking and laughing... like no big deal. And I was in my dinky little hospital gown that kept flapping open, and really, I didn't care. Not one bit. It's true what they say - you really don't care who is there and who sees you naked!

The block was a miracle, and worked so fast! I remember the Mr. sitting to my left with the camera, and he just kept snapping random pictures of us holding hands, self portriates of himself...
I kept telling him - this feels so wierd!
The doctor said, okay here is the head.... and the Mr. stood up to take some pictures.

Then I heard the most precious sound on the face of the earth.... a beautiful cry of my baby boy! I am in tears remembering it right now!
The Mr. would take some pictures, then run back and show them to me... at this point I couldn't see him yet.

The nurse moved the weight machine next to me so I could see him when they put him on it.

8lbs 7 oz. 20.5 inches long. Born at 9:01 pm on September 23 (his due date)

After this, things are kind of blurry. The Mr went with our little man to get cleaned up in the nursery... I went into the recovery room. And I just remember chilling there with the nurses. I asked for some ice, because I was so thirsty... and I have no clue how long I was in there. I remember my foot occasionally twitching, but I couldn't feel it. After who-knows-how-long I was wheeled into my room, and met my little man. Oh wow, what a feeling!

To sum up the next 3 days in the hospital -
I recovered fast from the c-section. The little man latched on and breastfed like a champ! I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed (because of PCOS) but I work! =) I had spinal headaches from the spinal block - they were KILLER, and lasted about 6 days. It helped to lay flat on my back.

I know this was fast - but I had to get out what I could in a short amount of time! I am sooo in love with our sweet baby! I can't believe it's already been 5 months! He is perfect!

I'm here!

2011-02-28T15:41:00.002-06:00

I am so sorry I dropped off the planet! I am here and have a beautiful, perfect, 5 month old baby boy! Actually after that last post I went into labor and had him at 9:01 that night!

I will have to update later! Can't wait to catch up on you girls!!

Come on baby!

2010-09-20T09:07:00.002-05:00

Thank you all for your comments on my last post! The Mr and I talked about everything and decided to go with the induction date of the 27th. We really wanted to wait until at least after the due date. Also, she hasn't don't an ultrasound on me since 20 weeks, so I'm not sure how accurate she is guessing the size. And I am really not worried about a c-section... of course, I would rather him come on his own naturally, but I am not opposed to a c-section if he in fact is too big. My biggest worry is being in labor ALL day and THEN them doing a c-section - where I would be exhausted. But - whatever happens, happens right :)

I am SO ready! The Mr and I have been doing everything!
- spicy tai food
- long walks
- sex
- fresh pineapple
- did I mention walks?!
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling very nauseous, which I've heard is a sign. That your body is "clearing out" preparing for labor. But it didn't last long. We went to church like normal, but I was having some contractions, about 30 min apart. By the time we got home, they had pretty much gone. I ended up taking a TWO hour nap! Then we went on a long walk. After my shower I was having contractions every 10 min or so... but then they got further and further apart. Once I went to bed I would wake up with contractions. Although they weren't consistant. I got up around 3 and got some water and my heating bag and they were gone.

I keep praying that I will know what to do when I am supposed to! I am just ready! It is so hard to breath right now! haha
And I do get a little annoyed when I show up at work and everyone says, "You're still here?!"
Um, yes, yes I am.

39 week appt

2010-09-16T12:55:00.002-05:00

So, I am a bit discouraged. I went into my appointment this morning and am still at 1.5 cm dilated, and am now 80% effaced. The dr said that he was really low - which I can tell! I mean I feel like I pulled a groin muscle and I'm pretty sure I could start waddling if I wanted to!

She said she felt like he was a big baby - like he was probably 8 - 8.5 lbs right now. I am 5'1" and, before I got pregnant, weighted 110... so I'm not a big person. She is worried that the baby will be too big for me to push out. She wants to induce.

Now, the Mr. and I have talked about this and both agreed that we do not want to induce if there wasn't a medical reason. When I voiced this to the dr she said, in her opinion, that is a medical reason. She said I am at about a 20 - 40% chance of having a c-section anyway because of his size.

I have heard that they aren't that accurate in guessing the weight of the baby, but she could be right. In a perfect world I would like to go into labor naturally and then go to the hospital and decide from there if I want drugs or not. In the real world, I am okay with natural or a c-section... however God wants me to deliver this sweet boy is fine by me.

I guess my discouragement comes with, now I have to decide when I want to have him. My options were... the 22nd, or the 27th. The 27th would be after my due date (the 23rd), so we will probably do that...
but at the same time, it is so tempting to just do it on the 22nd. I am starting to swell and am very uncomfortable, so seeing that end in sight is VERY tempting. Although I don't think I could convince the Mr. :)

I need help! I guess I just hang tight until the 27th. He may very well come between now and then. It was a bummer that I hadn't progressed any though.

What do you ladies think??

I'm still here

2010-09-15T13:18:00.002-05:00

I have been a bad blogger... I've just been busy, and honestly don't have much to update.

I will be 39 weeks tomorrow! At my last appointment (a week ago) I was 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced. She said he was head down and "really low", so that's good! She said it was very unlikely he'll be turning.

I am soo ready! It is getting pretty uncomfortable. My back is hurting and my feet don't go down - they are so puffy! haha
We have the nursery ready, just waiting on baby! The Mr. and I both agreed that I am not going to be induced if there isn't a medical reason for it (and no not just because I'm uncomfortable!). So... we'll see when our little man decides to make his appearance! We are soo excited!

My parents plan on hitting the road and heading our way as soon as they get the call that I'm in labor. They will probably stay around 10 days or so. I think that will be perfect, then the Mr. and I will be able to slowly adjust to being parents!

I am not really having any major "symptoms" of labor. I do feel a contraction every now and then... but they really aren't worth mentioning. At night when I am tossing around my back hurts and I get some cramping, but during the day - nothing.

I go in for my appointment in the morning, so hopefully she can give me some idea of what's going on in there! :)

Not even close...

2010-08-24T12:20:00.002-05:00

This sweet boy of mine has no intention of coming soon!

I went in for my 36 week appointment today (a few days early) and she checked me - nope, nada, no progression. But she did say, "I tried to poke my finger through there and could barely get through". Um... ouch! Yeah it hurt, pretty darn bad.

I am not sad that I wasn't dialated, but I was kinda hoping that I was starting to. I really feel like he is going to come early rather than late. But what do I know? I go back in a week, so we shall see if anything has changed.

I do know one thing - I am TIRED! It is so hard to get comfortable!
Oh but it's so worth it :)

35/35

2010-08-19T12:10:00.003-05:00

Wow, 35 weeks pregnant and 35 days to go! Now that I am heading towards the end, it feels like it is flying by! I am still feeling good though! I am just really uncomfortable sleeping, but I'll take it!

The nursery is coming together! I got my lanterns in the mail yesterday. I don't know if I mentioned it, but over the crib I am going to hang paper lanterns instead of a mobile. I am SO excited to get them up! I also got a personalized alphabet print with his name on it. And it is adorable!

I am trying to figure out what to put on the wall above the crib.... I was thinking about one of those wall decal things. But I'm not sure...

On Sunday our church is throwing me a baby shower! I am really excited about it. It will be a joint one with another girl from class (she is having a girl, due the week after me), so that will make it fun!

I can't believe this is really happening! The Mr. just got our car seat installed! Wow!

Today...

2010-08-17T12:55:00.002-05:00

is my birthday! I'm 28. It's funny how when you are younger you count down until your birthday. Even at 21 and 22... guess it's because we always did a big party, or went downtown to the bars... But as I have gotten older it sneaks up on me :)

The Mr. made me feel really special this morning. Before work he had all my gifts on our dining room table to open before we both left for the day. I had to take my wedding rings off a couple days ago (I was getting scared that my hands were swelling!) So he got me a band, it was really sweet. Granted it was from Walmart! haha That's what I told him I wanted though! Love him! He also got me a Marines shirt.... my brother graduates bootcamp next Friday! Woot!

I feel so incredibly blessed and look forward to what this next year has to offer!

The other side.

2010-08-11T11:36:00.003-05:00

Well after my last post... I broke down. But I'm better now :) I guess everyone just needs a good cry.

Yesterday I had lunch with my girlfriend that lost her baby a few weeks ago (she was around 7 weeks). It is really awkward for me to be on this side of things. I really feel like I am a sensitive person to infertility and miscarriages, since I've been through them both, but at the same time I feel almost fake because I am pregnant now.

We had a really good conversation. She opened up about how she is still having a hard time (understandable!) She is a strong Christain, and it is always good to hear her talking about things because she has such a way with words. It hurt to see her so sad.

I still feel like I am infertile. I still get hurt feelings when I see people posting on fb alll about their pregnancy. I get so excited when I read that an infertile is pregnant. I think those feelings will always be with me. Talking with my friend yesterday, she mentioned how she hasn't told everyone about it. I had been going through infertility treatments for about a year when I had my miscarriage and about a month after that I opened up and let the world know. I was just so tired of keeping it all in. I felt that I needed more prayers, and that I needed people to at least try to understand.

I hoped that no one would treat me any differently (which they did - like questioning whether to invite me to their kids bdays...) but I also hoped that if anyone else out there was going through it they didn't feel alone. Yesterday my friend told me that it had helped her. That she thought of us a lot. And that by itself made me glad I "outed" myself.

I think I am still in shock each day of this pregnancy that God has blessed us. In the back of my mind I also worry (I've made it this far.....). I am so very thankful. And I (and probably always will) pray for those that are still struggling, and that have had miscarriages.

Emotional

2010-08-05T09:02:00.002-05:00

I am not really an "emotional" person. I mean, yes I cry at sad/sappy movies, but overall I think of myself as being pretty tough. I am not snugly or do I feel that I am needy, and I definitely don't cry in front of people often.

However...

I have my days... and today is one of them. I woke up this morning and was fine. Happy, played with the dog, goofed off with the Mr. just had a nice morning. Then it hit me... I am not going to see my mom until I have this baby! She isn't here to help with the nursery, or help me pick out cute hospital pajamas, or arrange everything, or oooh and ahhh over how cute these tiny clothes are.... it really made me sad.

My parents live 8 hours away... Long story short, the Mr. and I upped and moved down here to Alabama, just because. That's right folks, no job, no family, no friends, just the two of us. We definitely made the right choice. Our faith has grown unbelievably and we have great jobs and wonderful friends now. But we still don't have our families. After we started trying for a baby we decided that we needed to move back. We have 12 nieces and nephews, grandparents, parents, and siblings that we just want (and NEED) to be closer to. When we found out we were expecting we decided to put off moving until after we had the baby.

I PRAY that God opens doors for us fast. I know it is insane to think of moving with a newborn, but I don't care. I can do it!

My mom had plans to come here in a few weeks... but my brother is graduating from bootcamp that weekend, which she is going to instead (understandably!). And I WANT TO GO! But I'll be 36 weeks, and it is about 9 hours away.

I'm just sad. and homesick.

Question...

2010-08-04T10:18:00.003-05:00

So.... the Mr. and I went to dinner last night and got into a .... let's call it a heated discussion :)

When we first started trying for a baby, we agreed that once I had the baby I wouldn't work. We are still both in agreement about it. The "discussion" was about if I would go back to work and then give my two week notice, or if I would just call on my maternity leave and say I'm not returning. See... I will get Short Term Disability - so if I went back to work for a week or two it would pretty much guarentee that I wouldn't have to pay this back. I have NO clue if I would have to pay it back if I don't go back...

Anyone know???

It isn't like I can ask my boss this question! I have been with the company for over 4 years, but legally I have no clue how to find this out without asking someone. So, if anyone knows the answer or can give a suggestion I would appreciate it!!

Thanks!

Weekend and detergent

2010-07-28T13:05:00.002-05:00

1. The weekend -
it was wonderful!! My family threw the nicest shower for us! We got tons of great stuff! It was so nice to see everyone and such a blessing that they love us and our little one so much :) I am very thankful for all that was done! We got some of our big items... play yard, highchair, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, and of course we got clothes, books, toys...
It was just perfect!

2 Detergent
so... I know a lot of people use Dreft for their newborns. I think I am going to go with Tide Free (no dyes, smells, etc.) The main reason is because the Mr. has really sensitive skin. Our neighbor gave us some off brand detergent and the Mr. broke out in blotches and I had to rush him to the hospital because of a severe allergic reaction! So... I am NEVER changing from Tide for his clothes again! Lesson learned!
Does anyone have any suggestions or anything about detergent? From what I can find it looks like there isn't much of a difference.

Thanks!

Nosey

2010-07-22T12:12:00.004-05:00

We are going back "home" (where I'm from, still home to me!) this weekend! I am soooooo excited!! My family is throwing a baby shower for us! So... I discovered that if I get on my registry I can see what people have bought! I know, some of you probably discovered this from your wedding shower registry... I may be a little slow. But YAY! I am so excited about some of the things that have been bought! ;)

I haven't seen most of my family since January - at my brothers wedding. We were pregnant then, but only like 5 weeks... and we weren't about to take the spotlight at the wedding. So my family didn't find out weeks later when we were already gone. So, none of them have really seen me pregnant! They've seen pictures, but not the belly in person. Oh are they in for a treat! Our baby boy is definitely making himself known!

I really really REALLY miss being close to my family! We are about 8 hours away. Hopefully by the first of the year, the Mr. can get a transfer closer... at least to where we would be 4 hours or less away.

So... am I the only one that peeked at their registry???

Article

2010-07-15T15:01:00.000-05:00

My mother-in-law emailed me about an article she had read in Glamour magazine. It was about how pcos and endometriosis can go undetected for such a long period of time. Here is the article about PCOS and Endometriosis, it is so true!

In my case... I started having HORRIBLE period cramps when I was about 14 or so. I am talking doubled over, crying on the floor pain. My mom said my face would turn white as a ghost. I also wasn't having regular periods. When I was in the 8th grade I was on the track team. I went about 6 months without a period. Everyone (doctor, mom and I) figured it was because of all the activity I was putting my body through. When I finally did get a period, it was hell. Finally my mom took me to a GYN, I was 16. The doctor figured it was endometriosis. She said the only way to get rid of it was surgery, and since I was so young she didn't want me to go through that. So... she prescribed me birth control pills and that was that.

I stayed on the pills alll the way up until the Mr. and I decided to try for a baby. I was 26. For 10 years I was on those pills - and they worked. I was having "normal" monthly periods. They were still painful, but I could deal with it.

It was such a big deal for me to stop taking those pills! I mean for 10 years that is what I used! Once I stopped the pills... no period. 3 months later... still no period. Once I finally got to a RE doctor and they did an ultrasound, it was VERY obvious that I had PCOS. I am not a "normal" case for it: I am not overweight, do not have excess hair, my hair isn't falling out... none of the classic signs.

But still - it is a shame that it takes so long to figure out what is going on with someone! Now that I know more about symptoms I make sure to encourage other women to look into it if they are having them. Both of these can become really bad if they go untreated.

I'll stop my background now =) Just wanted to get the article out there.

My friend.

2010-07-15T08:34:00.001-05:00

I have a friend who told me she was pregnant a couple weeks ago... she went in yesterday for her 8 week appointment and they couldn't find the heart beat. She miscarried. I am sooo sad for her and her husband. And, coincidentally it is almost a year to the day of when the Mr. and I had our miscarriage.

Both her and her husband are so strong in their faith, I know they will get through this - but having been there... it is so hard. I am just so sad for them.

Baby Shower!

2010-07-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

We had a surprise baby shower! It was so sweet! Where the Mr. works, he has a lot of volunteers - and they all got together and threw us a shower! They told him that it was a picnic and that I have to come with him because it was a "family thing". So off we went. When we arrived there was the sweetest cake (complete with the baby's name, a bottle, a onesie, baby booties, and a rattle! can you say talented?!) and a diaper cake! (we haven't mentioned to everyone we are cloth diapering since I was still trying to figure out which diaper to use.) We got tons of diapers - which I'm sure we will end up using! It was so much fun!

Oh and the cutest part?
We got a pack of 5 onesies...
The Mr. said "oh good we really need onesies!" (he's heard me say this I'm sure)
One of the guys there said, "Mr. what age does the baby have to be to wear a onesie?" (testing him)
The Mr. "two years old"
People laughed, I looked at the Mr. and giggled and kind of shoved him. What a nut.

Well later that night when we got home, the Mr. asked me the same question. He really thought they had to be two years old! How cute is he?!
Turns out our onesies fit sizes 0-3 months. :)

It was such a sweet gesture that they even thought to give us anything, much less throw us a complete baby shower!! I was blown away. What a blessing to have such wonderful people around us!

Now I need to get some cute thank you cards!

A year ago...

2010-07-02T14:39:00.002-05:00

A year ago yesterday the Mr and I found out we were pregnant... just over a week later we learned that we were going to miscarry. Just thinking about that time brings back such emotions! It was such a roller coaster... actually it was more of a HUGE high and then an even bigger plummit.

I can remember just being completely broken and I cried so hard to God. I just kept telling him "I don't understand". Slowly He brought me back. The Mr. was more than wonderful - even though he was going through it too, I felt like he was holding me up. We prayed and really just gave it to God.

It amazes me now to have such a miracle growing in me exactly one year later. To be entering my third trimester with this child that I prayed so hard for. To look back and see how God took such a horrible event to make me turn that much more to Him.

I remember all of this simply because I don't want to ever forget it. The whole time I was praying for a child I kept saying, I will never take it for granted. I prayed that I will never forget how hard it was to get a baby, so that I never lose sight of how wonderful it is. I told God that I would always pray as hard as I did when I was going through infertility and loss.

One of my favorite verses:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~Philippians 4:6-7

28 weeks!

2010-06-30T16:07:00.003-05:00

Well, actually tomorrow I'll be 28 weeks, but I had my appointment today. And YAY! Everything looks great! Baby boy is growing, and I gained 7 pounds since last visit (4 weeks ago) for a grand total of......... 23 pounds gained. Holy moly. I freaked just a little bit. The doctor said she wasn't concerned, and she was actually happy with my weight (I started the pregnancy at 115), so..... I'll try to chill :)

We had the 4D pictures taken too. Amazing. What a miracle from God. There are truly no words.
Our little man was sleeping, but then decided to put his foot up by his head... it looked like he was poking himself in the eye with his toes! haha He gave us a big yawn too. What a sweet boy! Oh and the funnest thing: the ultrasound tech said she wanted to give us a good 4D shot of his "boy parts". But he wasn't cooperating so she couldn't get a good picture, BUT she did see his hand. Then she yelled, "He's holding his junk!" hahahaha I about died! First of all "his junk" haha, this lady had to be in her 50's, it shocked me that those were her words! Second, what a BOY! haha

Anyway, I am getting over a cold (hopefully) so I have been taking it easy the past few days. I am just so relieved to get a good report, and be in THIRD trimester! Wow!!

Interesting...

2010-06-23T14:17:00.002-05:00

(first of all - everything is fine!!)

So the nurse called back...
Here is our conversation:
Nurse: "well I spoke with the doctor and she wants you to just head on over to Labor & Delivery"
Me: "seriously?! um... why... really..."
Nurse: "this is normal procedure since you are so far along"
Me: "okay... I don't even know where to go..."
Nurse: "it's okay, this is normal. Just go to blah blah blah..."

Yes, that's right. I went to the hospital to L & D. I called the Mr. to meet me there AFTER I reassured him that this was "normal". I was really nervous though.

They took me to a delivery room (which was super nice, by the way!) and hooked up our little man to the Doppler, and monitored me to make sure I wasn't having contractions. (which I wasn't). I was there for around 45 min I think. Then they checked my cervix just to make sure I wasn't dilated. And then I was okay to go.

She said it sounds like round ligament pain. Since I wasn't dilated, wasn't having contractions, and the pain wasn't constant or accompanied by any other symptoms... it seems my belly/uterus is just stretching.

Thank you God that everything is still looking right! Though that made me nervous to be walking into the hospital... 3 more months to go!

Tired!

2010-06-23T09:49:00.002-05:00

No, let's make that exhausted!

Yesterday it hit me - I had been going and going for over a week... and I was just worn out! I got home from work and laid on the couch. Then decided I better shower or else I won't have the energy! After I got out, I started having some lower abdomen cramps. Nothing too bad, but still... they were there. I was also really shaky. Does anyone else get this? I get it mainly when I need to eat...

Anyway, I ate dinner and then we and laid back on the couch. Still having off and on cramps. But my boy was kicking like crazy, so that reassured me that he is still doing well in there! At about 8 (yes, eight p.m.) I went to bed. I am telling you I was exhausted!

This morning, I figured I would feel better... but I am still so tired! Maybe I got too much sleep... maybe it's just because I am pregnant. I still was having some cramps so I made the decision to call the doctor. Rather be safe than sorry, right.

Of course, now I am not having cramps anymore... but I am still so tired! I would just feel better having my doctor say, it's nothing to worry about! Little man is still kicking me, so that's good :) (this is about to be tmi! just to warn you) I also have been having more discharge than normal. It isn't a crazy amount, but anytime there is anything a little different, I feel the need to question it!

So, I'm just waiting on the return call from the nurse now.

Oh- and I got a pediatrician set up! They called this morning to confirm that the Dr I wanted will accept our boy! Yay! Cross that off the list!

The weekend

2010-06-21T14:29:00.003-05:00

My parents came to visit this weekend! It was sooo good to see them! I hadn't seen them since March - when I was about 14 weeks pregnant. Even though I felt like I had a baby bump at the time... looking back I wasn't showing hardly at all! So, now they got to actually see me with a big bump! (I'm sure when I'm 36 weeks, this bump will look small - but for now, it is big to me!

It was so nice to have them here! My mom couldn't keep her hands off my belly!
**I know some people are sensitive about their belly being touched - I don't mind the Mr., my mom and close friends, but strangers - back off!**
Our sweet boy gave them quite the show last night! He must have known it was their last night with us because he was moving and kicking all over!

We got our crib too! My dad and hubby set that up Saturday. Now I have no clue how I want to arrange the room! I wish I had a sliver of interior designer in me... but alas, I do not. I thought I had a plan with how I wanted the crib and dressers, but the crib ended up being bigger than I was remembering, so now, I am clueless. BUT the crib looks GREAT! And how surreal to have a crib in our house!

Mom and I went to look around for stuff for the nursery, but came back empty handed. My bedding is green, blue and white. My idea was to get some of those whicker (sp?) baskets for the laundry, and to put on the changing table (to hold stuff), and maybe to put somewhere else around the room. Just to give another color... but I couldn't find what I had in mind. I wish I could just find a room that I love online, and then copy it! :)

All in all, it was a great weekend! I am definitely in the mood to get this nursery more complete though!

Cloth...

2010-06-17T12:59:00.003-05:00

So, I am seriously considering cloth diapering.

I have been thinking about it for a while, but just recently started researching it. And honestly, it doesn't seem like it would be too bad. I have a girlfriend here that uses Bum Genius All in One's and loves them. After talking with her and then researching it, I figured I would go with those. Then I talked to another girlfriend from back home (8 hours away, so sad.) and she uses Flips All in one System. So I started researching those, and they seem like a better fit for me. I like the idea of having to just change the inserts versus having to change the entire diaper each time.

Do any of you have any input on cloth?

Double Digits!

2010-06-16T09:47:00.000-05:00

WOW! I have 99 days to go until my due date! What a blessing that we have gotten here! I am truly thankful! And even more thankful that it has been a pretty uneventful pregnancy.

The baby is moving all the time! Which I love! I haven't had any major side effects. Except leg cramps, which turns into throbbing! Last night my leg was hurting and I thought I could sleep it off, but this morning it was hurting just as bad. Oh well :) I think I can deal with that!

My hubby

2010-06-13T10:08:00.000-05:00

So Father's Day is coming up... I really want to get the Mr. something. He did such a good job and got me earrings for Mother's Day. When I google "gifts for expectant fathers" the things that come up are: books, shirts, and baby carriers. Oh and a diaper bag for guys. um... no.

I did get him a book. I don't remember the name of it, but it is about parenting - but it is humorous. And it was like $10. The Mr. doesn't like to wear shirts that have writing on the front, and (no offense anyone!) but some of the parent shirts are cheesy. We already have a baby carrier (actually two that were given to us). And a diaper bag - he wouldn't like that. What in the world should I get him?

I thought about maybe getting him a toy or something that he can play with our son after he is born. hmm... just thought I'd see if anyone else had any ideas... I'm running out of time!

Work

2010-06-11T12:42:00.002-05:00

So, my job is really inconviencing me...
does anyone else have this problem?
I really feel like I have so many other things I NEED (okay... maybe it's more of a want than a need) to be doing. I am really not happy with my job right now anyway, and that makes it soooo much harder to be motivated! While I'm here I think of all the stuff that I could be doing if I wasn't here. But then when I get off, I wonder around lost because I can't figure out what I really need to do.

I sound like a crazy person, right?! :) I really want to finish the nursery, but I should wait until the showers to see what I get first. In my mind, the Mr. and I have budgeted for everything we need, so I really could just go out and get it... but I'm trying to be patient!

My boss keeps asking me if I have inquired about short-term disablity. I have no idea why she is so obsessed with me finding out about this. Where I work is small (only 8 employees) and I don't know recently of anyone having to take maternity leave or anything, so maybe she is just curious. She also crosses lines... (this may turn into a vent, I apoligize in advance!) when I first told her I was pregnant she asked, "so what do you think you'll do? Do you think you'll come back?" Is that even a legal question to ask??? I anticipate her pulling me in her office when the time gets closer and asking me again what I am doing. I really don't know. If I left, how do I go about that?? Anyone have experience? I figured it would just be not coming back from maternity leave...

Anyway, I guess I should get motivated and get some work done! Just needed to get that off my mind!

Pray like you mean it!

2010-06-10T14:28:00.000-05:00

A few weeks ago in Sunday school we were going over that movie Fireproof. (If you haven't seen it - it is a really good movie!) There was a scene where the coach was talking to another older man, and the coach was really frustrated. The older man asked him, "When you pray, do you prepare to have that prayer answered?"

So many times I feel like I do pray and I ask for things but in the back of my mind I really don't think they will happen, or that I will get what I prayed for. The same goes for the saying "Be careful what you wish for..."

When the Mr. and I were dealing with infertility we started praying like we meant it - meaning we would pray for a baby and then expect to get one. When I first found out we were pregnant, the fears of something bad happening could have easily taken over my mind - but instead I prayed that this baby would be safe, healthy and make it to full term and then I went on KNOWING that he would.

Sometimes it is so hard to do this... but our God can do ANYTHING. He has proved that He makes miracles happen!

Update

2010-06-07T16:18:00.001-05:00

I PASSED!!

Woo Hoo! I don't have gestational diabetes! I actually had really good numbers. Weird.
The nurse that called said that I should still try to eat healthy (duh!) so I will try, but at least I don't feel the pressure anymore :)

Thanks for the prayers!

Done with the test.

2010-06-07T10:20:00.003-05:00

Well I went ahead and got the 3 hour test over with on Saturday morning. The Mr. was so super sweet. He insisted that he go with me ("I want to be there through everything" he said. aww) He had the bright idea of bringing our laptop, earphones, and a movie. So in between getting stuck, we watched Sherlock Holmes. It REALLY helped pass the time! And the drink this go around was way worse! But at least I'm done. Now I'm just waiting to hear the results...
Say a quick prayer! Thanks :)

I guess I really didn't go into much else of my appointment last week. I was just so bummed (and surprised) at the glucose test. My belly was measuring 24 1/2 inches (I was exactly 24 weeks), I have gained 16 pounds... they said that was good. Kinda freaks me out though. And to think I haven't even gained the bulk of it! It's okay though, as long as the baby is healthy and happy! The heartrate was 160, the nurse said he was moving around a lot and that can increase the heartrate. Oh, and next visit we are doing the 4D pictures!! I can't wait! I know some people don't like to see their baby until he/she is born, but I don't care!!! I am sooo excited! It will be on the 30th.

I tend to stress when things aren't going according to my plan (yeah, I know I can hear God laughing too... "my" plan, riiight). So when the dr. said I may have gestational diabetes, I kinda freaked. I went straight to the store to look for "good" foods. I honestly have no idea what I would even have to change, I just knew that I would need to stay away from sugars and sat. fats. So... among other things, I found Triskets. I have had them before, but the rosemary/olive oil... wow! SOOO good! I seriously am almost done with the first box!

So, now I just wait... hopefully they will call with my results soon!

Dangit PCOS!!!

2010-06-03T10:03:00.002-05:00

I failed my glucose test.
I am good on iron, but my sugar level was supposed to be under 140, and mine was 187. So.... now I have to go in for a 3 hour test. My doctor was telling me how unusual it was since I am lean and gaining the appropriate amount of weight. I said, could it be the PCOS? She said, yep that's exactly what it is.

How annoying! I really don't feel like I eat bad either! I haven't used the pregnancy to get away with eating bad. Although I do love my carbs (hello bread, I love you) Now I am going to research ways of eating better I guess.

I just really want to pass this test! I can't imagine having to prick my finger 4 times a day and see a dietitian. But, whatever it takes to bring our healthy boy into this world, I'll do it!

Dangit PCOS! I wish you would leave me alone!

Doctor tomorrow

2010-06-02T12:54:00.001-05:00

So I go in for my scheduled appointment tomorrow! Yay! I will be 24 weeks! Yay! And they have me doing the glucose test. Is that weird to be doing it this early? When I was there last (4 weeks ago) I didn't even question it, but now I've noticed that everyone else gets the test done at 28 weeks.

Wonder if it's because I have PCOS, and I know gestational diabetes can be associated with that. Or maybe it's just the way my doctor does it. Who knows. Guess I'll find out tomorrow! I just hope that it isn't too early... as in I would have to do it again!

Memorial Weekend

2010-06-01T15:15:00.002-05:00

The Mr and I had a wonderful get away!! It was so nice just getting out of town. Nothing fancy. Just the two of us (and our dog). We didn't even have a budget (which is a BIG deal for me!) We just went and enjoyed being away. It was perfect!

At dinner one night we got to talking about how important it is that after the baby gets here, we still make each other a priority. Date nights, etc. I must admit that when we got our dog (almost 5 years ago) she became number one. I LOVE that dog! But it took the Mr. to point out how much attention she was getting versus him for me to realize it. I can only imagine how much worse I will be with our sweet baby! I am glad that we are talking about this now. I told him, that it will take a while to establish some sort of schedule before we will be able to just go out. I think it is really hitting him how this is LIFE CHANGING! (In a good way!)

We were only about 2 hours away, so we managed to be back at home by around 10 yesterday morning. We went and picked out paint colors and the Mr. spent ALL afternoon/evening painting the baby's room! It looks SOO good! It is definitely brighter than what I had pictured in my head, but I love it! It will look so fresh next to the white furniture! And the blue accents!
Yay! Can't wait to get home and pull off all the tape! :)

Update

2010-05-28T10:17:00.005-05:00

Wow, so it's been awhile since I've updated. Work has been busy, life has been busy, I've just had no time!

Since the last time I've blogged - we got a stroller and car seat! I am so excited about both of them! Here is the car seat:

And here is the stroller:

It took me so long to pick one, but overall with the ratings and other feedback, I decided. I decided not to go with the travel system... but this does fit together like one, which is perfect! Plus the stoller folds down flat so it will be easy to store. We have a big dog (90 lbs.) so with her and baby AND luggage, etc. it will be good to have it as small as possible! The Mr. and I put them together and had fun "practicing" :)

We also registered.... at least at one store (Babies R Us), we are going to go to Target too, but we haven't gotten time to do it. It is really starting to feel more "real" and I am getting so excited! I feel him moving around tons now! The Mr. got to feel him too... and last weekend we saw him kicking away! That was really neat!

I am sooo ready to pick a paint color... but I haven't been able to go by and get samples! The bedding is blue, green and white. The green is kind of a lime green... so I was thinking of toning it down and using that. I can't wait to see how everything comes together!

I go in next Thursday for my appointment. 4 weeks is soo long between appointments, but since we've been keeping busy it has gone by pretty fast.

The Mr. and I are headed out of town for Memorial weekend. I can't wait! We decided to do a get-away partly to get away before the baby gets here, and partly to get away to celebrate our anniversary (June 3 will be 4 years! yay!) We didn't want to travel too far, or go anywhere too expensive, so we are doing simple. I just want to get out of town! We will leave tomorrow morning.

Oh and we picked a name!! It is soo nice to call our son by a name! We decided to tell people, and so far good feedback! We really debated on whether to tell people or not, but in the end, we figured it would be more awkward not to.

Well, that's about all I can think of right now. I can't wait to go check out what you girls have been up to! I'll try to be better about posting! I miss being up-to-date!

Bittersweet

2010-05-17T10:35:00.003-05:00

Well, we sure have been busy! Last weekend my mother-in-law was in town, and this past weekend my brother and his wife came to visit. We had SUCH a good time showing them around!

My brother and sister-in-law had never been here, so we tried to cram everything we could into the too short weekend. He even helped the Mr. move our guest bed into the new guest/office, so now we officially have a nursery! Exciting!

I just love my brother so much! I lost it this morning when he left. I mentioned on this blog a few months ago that he decided to join the Marines. Well... the time has come. He leaves for bootcamp in 10 short days. He lives in my hometown - about 8 hours away. Bootcamp lasts about 13 weeks, then he goes to combat training, then to school (in California! We are on the East coast - so a LONG way away!) and then... they can put him anywhere.

Once he left this morning, I have absolutely no idea when I'll see him again. :( Since I am due in September I won't be able to travel home for his bootcamp graduation (end of August). And after that, I don't even know where he'll be. I PRAY that it isn't overseas!!

Don't get me wrong - I am very VERY proud of him. He is excited about this. But I already miss him terribly. I am just really sad today.

Sunday...

2010-05-10T10:37:00.002-05:00

Well Sunday was Mother's Day. A day that I have dreaded in the past. This past Sunday, I found myself dreading it again. Is that bad? selfish? weird?

I squirmed when I woke up and my sweet husband said "Happy Mother's Day!!" My mother-in-law was here this past weekend, and she hugged me and said it to me again. I told them I feel like I shouldn't be told that. She said, You of all people should be! You've worked so hard to get here!

She's right, but I think it was just a reminder of the struggle, and the hurt that I had felt just a year ago on that same day.

My wonderful husband bought me earrings. This is HUGE! The Mr. has only given me jewelry one other time in our relationship (besides my wedding ring), and it was a necklace, so I was floored. And it was the September birthstone. For our sweet baby's due date. I couldn't help it - I cried.

Really what I was dreading was church. They made all the mothers stand so we could get a rose. I just broke down. I am about to right now remembering. I am just soo humbled at God's works. I am soo unspeakably thankful that God has blessed us with a sweet baby. I pray all the time for those that are still struggling to conceive. I KNOW what a hard day yesterday is, especially for those people. Our pastor even pointed it out. It made me cry harder.

I don't know why God picked us to carry this sweet baby. I was brought to my knees yesterday, just so broken before Him. I love this child more than I would have even thought possible and he isn't even born yet! Yesterday just reminded me how much I have to be thankful for. I keep praying - God please don't let me take any of this for granted!

A year ago, on Mother's Day, our pastor said a prayer. In that prayer he said something along the lines of - those that are wanting a baby, that are struggling to concieve, by next Mother's Day may your prayer be answered.

and guess what?
it was.

Halfway!

2010-05-06T11:16:00.002-05:00

Wow, I am halfway! We had our 20 week appointment this morning and Baby Boy is still doing well! Everything measured right on schedule! Praise God! It is so amazing to see what's going on inside me! I am feeling him, it is inconsistent and sometimes I question if it's him or if it's just gas or something! The Mr. is really ready to start feeling him too! I have gained 14 pounds. I am really hoping not to gain more than 30, but we'll see.

I think I have decided on the bedding. I tried to upload the pic on here, but it was so small I don't think you would've been able to see it! It is light green, blue and white. So precious! And I have picked a stroller! I am going to get it at the end of the month when my coupon is good. Can't wait!!

My next appointment is in 4 weeks and I do the glucose test! She already gave me my "yummy" orange drink to chug. I heard it isn't too bad - just super sweet. We shall see :)

Random thoughts:

2010-05-03T10:34:00.002-05:00

- I really really really strongly dislike my job.

- I've been having the most random, vivid dreams lately! One was about me going to the club with my church girlfriends, I forgot to shave my legs, so with all my clothes on (and my heels) I jumped in the shower and shaved my legs. Another was about Hannibal Lecter. Last night I dreamed I woke up and my belly was flat... no bump.... this one scared me the most.

- We have BUSY times coming up! Pretty much from now until the end of the year. Crazy right?

- My mother-in-law is coming on Friday. Yes I am really excited! I am one of the lucky ones that likes their in-laws

- Why do they make sooo many choices when it comes to buying baby items?? Like which stroller to get...

- I have been feeling something moving around in my belly... it has to be the baby! It's exciting, but I can't wait for him to just kick me, hard enough to where it isn't a question of it being gas. I told him, "This is the only time I will tell you to kick me".

- Last night I snapped at the Mr. Everything that he did (or didn't do) I snapped at him. And the whole time I said, "I don't know why I'm acting like this".

- This Thursday I am halfway through the pregnancy. It's hard to believe!

- I am trying to plan a trip for the Mr. and I to get away for a long weekend. I am soo excited about it - I just have to actually buy the hotel and plan it. And I'm trying to do it for Memorial weekend, so I'm running out of time.

- Did you know that places only sell gift wrapping totes during Christmastime? (You know the long skinny totes that hold the wrapping paper?)

- I cleaned out my spice cabinet this weekend - probably half of my spices were expired.

- I have to pee all.the.time.

- Happy Monday!

The crib!

2010-04-28T07:29:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I almost forgot to post this!
We bought the crib!! I am SO excited! It is going to take like 2 months to come in, so I wanted to get it ordered asap! I can't wait to get the nursery all put together!

A first

2010-04-27T08:23:00.000-05:00

First of all... where I work, we have meetings a lot! I am usually not a part of them, it is for members of our organization. Normally when there is a meeting going on we have food catered in. We use the same caterers everytime we order food, so I know the people that work there.

So... the other day we had a meeting. Before it was getting started I walked down to the kitchen (next to the meeting room) to get some water. One of the ladies that works with the caterers' came up to me and said, "are you expecting?"

Someone noticed! hahaha
I even said, you are the first person to ask!!
So that means I definitely have a pregnant belly!

:)

The God we want...

2010-04-26T10:21:00.004-05:00

In Sunday School yesterday we've been talking about praying, and the question was asked, have you ever prayed for something that you think is impossible and you know that it will never be able to happen unless God does it?

Then someone threw out this quote, "There is a God we want, and there is a God who is. They are not the same God. And the turning point of our lives is when we stop seeking the God we want, and start seeking the God who is."

How true.
So many times I have tried to pray to God and ask Him for what I think should happen. Or what I want to happen and when. It is only when I step back and realize that my time is NOT God's time that I have the peace of knowing that He is the one in control. We try sometimes to mold God into what we want Him to be. In going through infertility, my prayer for so long was to just get pregnant. Right then. That month. I wanted it on my time. It is so difficult to hand over everything to God and let Him have the control. Now that I am pregnant, I find myself sometimes, begging that our child be carried to full term and be healthy. It is so hard to give it over. I know that God's plan is the best plan. But I pray constantly that His plan is the same as mine!

Have you ever heard the saying "God laughs when you make plans" ?

One guy in class said that his problem was that he would say - God let me handle it up to this particular point, and then you can have it. How many times do I do this? We need to just give Him everything. Up front. Before we try to "handle" it ourselves.

I felt really inspired after that class.

It's all good!

2010-04-21T12:18:00.002-05:00

I ended up calling my doctor Monday afternoon about the cramps/pressure. Overall I'd rather be on the safe side and talk to a doctor and it be nothing, than just self diagnose and it turn out to be something.

They called me back yesterday morning and said come on in Wednesday at 9. So I did. I got to hear our little boy's heartbeat again! Music to my ears! She even had to chase him around because he was moving so much! And he kept kicking! Love it! The doctor checked my cervix again and all is well in that area. They did say I had a small amount of blood in my urine, so they are going to send it off to see if I might have a uti. BUT overall I'm good to go!

I asked about the round ligament pain (RLP) and she said that is what I have. Basically it's just stretching that's causing the cramps. I am not really in pain, it is really just annoying. And it isn't all the time. The doctor told me that basically I just have to deal with them because everything looks good. Praise God!

Thanks to those that commented yesterday and have been through it!

Productive!

2010-04-19T09:01:00.002-05:00

I felt like I had a pretty productive weekend! I got our office cleaned out, and the dressers cleaned out/off so that we could start painting them for the nursery. The Mr. got really excited about it! So we headed off to the store to get all the supplies. And he finished it this weekend!! I was so impressed! And it looks SOOO good! I can't wait to get the crib and see everything together!

I didn't go into my appointment last Thursday...
so I started getting these cramps/pressure in my lower abdomen Wednesday night. I was so glad we had an appointment the next day so I could bring it up. During the appointment I told her about it. It isn't constant, but it is uncomfortable. It isn't painful either. Just a dull cramping/pressure. And it is really low... like as low as you can get on my abdomen. The doctor said that since we were going to do the ultrasound anyway she would check my cervix and make sure I wasn't dilating. I'm not, yay! She said my cervix looked "nice and long" (thanks? haha).

Anyway, so the cramps/pressure hasn't gone away. Like I said, it isn't constant... it comes and goes, but it is definitely still there. I feel like maybe calling the doctor just to make sure this is "normal" but at the same time I was just there and everything was good. Heartbeat was strong, cervix was closed, baby boy was looking good :) I've been trying not to do researching on the Internet... but I looked around anyway. Looks like a lot of girls have had this and it is just stretching.

I had a long talk with God yesterday about it. I want to get back to the place where I didn't worry because He is in control. No matter what I do God is going to make sure everything happens the way it is supposed to.

17 weeks and a surprise

2010-04-15T11:44:00.002-05:00

The 17 week appointment went great! Heartrate was good, blood pressure was good, questions were answered, etc. But the surprise was even BETTER!!! I asked the doctor if she could give us a sneak peek... and she did!!! We're having a BOY!!! I am sooo excited!! And shocked! We really thought it was a girl! When she told us you could hear botht the Mr. and I gasp! :) I can't wait to start looking for boy stuff!!

YAY!

ramblings...

2010-04-13T12:49:00.002-05:00

I am so excited I have my 17 week appointment on Thursday! I am going to ask her if we can get a sneak peek to see what the baby is :) Probably not, but hey it's worth an ask!

This past weekend we decided on a crib. I don't know if I mentioned or not, but we are going to use two dressers that we currently have. The Mr. is going to sand them and paint them white to match the crib. And I get to put fun knobs on them! So... being the perfectionist that I am, I want the whites to match PERFECTLY. I know this may be difficult, but it's not impossible. I ordered two different samples of whites that should be here by the end of the week. Based upon which one we can match (PERFECTLY) that's the color white we are going to order. I will post a pictures of it once we decide.

yay :)

I have been trying not to get stressed about work lately...
I am more than likely not going to be returning after I have the baby. Of course they don't know that. I am stressed on when to tell them, how to tell them, if my insurance will still cover me while I would be in the hospital, etc. Obviously I won't say anything definitely until after the baby is born...
anyway, I'm just trying not to stress.

Hope everyone else is having as pretty of weather as we are!!! It is finally spring!! I love the warm weather!

Some updates:

2010-04-08T10:12:00.003-05:00

Looks like I'll be going on-line to Old Navy and The Gap to order my maternity pants! :) Thanks for the advice! I am actually getting a package (hopefully this weekend) from my SIL that will have maternity clothes in it. Have I mentioned that the Mr. has 4 older sisters? Our baby will make grandbaby # 13 on that side of the family! The sister that is mailing the clothes just told us this week that she is expecting # 5. Yup. FIVE. Insane. And, you can only guess, she has had no trouble. Zip. None. Just another day for her. I am excited for her, don't get me wrong. But wow.

Anyway....

So last weekend we looked at some cribs... and I want to go to one more store to look. I think I have picked out what I want though. One of the stores said it takes about 2 months to get the furniture in. Dang. If I ordered within the next month, that would put me at about 7 months before we got the crib! I know me - I would be in panic mode! haha So hopefully we can figure out what we want this weekend.

We have a couple dressers... a long one and a tall one, and after talking with the Mr. we decided that we will just paint those and use them in the baby's room. I will just have to get prettier knobs. But I am SO excited about this! Not only will it save money, but how fun to have a little project to work on! (well, I will do what I can... sanding and painting is probably not a good idea!)

I know I mentioned a few weeks ago how this pregnancy hasn't really hit me yet. Well it is definitely starting to - and I am SO beyond happy! I think now that my belly is growing and people are starting to notice, it makes it real to me. Now I am thinking - wow, I have tons to do to prepare!

I have been looking at bedding. Which is hard when we don't know what we are having yet, but I have a big feeling it is a girl. (I would LOVE a boy, but the Mr. has tons of girls on his side of the fam, and the heartbeat has been around the 160's). I know I don't want a theme, and I know (if it's a girl) I don't want a ton of pink. There are so many cute things out there but lots are way too expensive.

Oh and have I mentioned that we have already made some diaper purchases?? :) We were told that if we buy diapers every time we go to the store we'll have a stash by the time baby gets here. Not only that but we will get used to spending some extra money at the store. It seems weird to see diapers in our house! haha
On a side note, I am strongly considering doing cloth diapers... like starting when the baby is like 4 months old or so... after they get over all the newborn diaper changes!

I find myself so distracted at work, trying to find new places to look for baby stuff! I better actually get to work!

Wow!

2010-04-05T10:11:00.002-05:00

First of all... Praise God for such a beautiful Easter! It was absolutely perfect!

Second... wow! Maternity pants are soooo comfy! yep, I broke down and went shopping. Actually I HAD to... I seriously have nothing to wear! Friday, before work, I complained until I left the house about what I was wearing. It was tight. Like I was trying to make myself fit into the pants and shirt (which I actually was...)

So on Saturday, the Mr. said, "That's it,we're going shopping!"
I hate shopping... have I mentioned that?
The Mr. is really good about picking out outfits for me... so we headed out to Motherhood Maternity. I found a couple pairs of work pants. But I was a little disappointed that I didn't see any jeans. I saw capries, but no jeans.
Then we went to Ross, and would you believe they only had ONE rack of maternity. And on that one rack they had about 5 pairs of small pants. And of those 5, there was 0 jeans.
Any suggestions on where to buy pants and jeans????? I am desperate! I don't fit in anything anymore!

(No, I'm not complaining, just need some clothes!)

The Mr. and I also went looking at some cribs! EXCITING! I pretty much know what I want. I have it in my head... I just have to find it in a store! I am only 5'1" so I want to make sure I can actually get the baby out of the crib - since I don't want a drop side. :)

Not that I wasn't before, but I am starting to get really excited about everything!! I guess it is finally starting to sink in that it is REAL!

Switching subjects... yesterday at church we sang the song "In Christ Alone" - which I LOVE! and it was just so fitting for Easter...

"There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bough with the precious blood of Christ"

Love it.
Hope everyone else had a good Easter!

15 weeks...

2010-04-01T12:45:00.004-05:00

I can't believe I'm 15 weeks today! I haven't really been keeping up with things each week in this pregnancy, so I figured I would write a few things that are going on...
- my belly has officially "popped"
- I have got most of my energy back
- yesterday I ordered on-line my first 5 maternity shirts!
- I am outgrowing my pants FORREAL! I have to go shopping!
- there hasn't been any foods that have been "gross" to me
- I have had many dizzy spells
- I really miss sleeping on my stomach
- and eating turkey sandwiches
- my face is breaking out more than when I was a teenager
- I think I'm going to try prenatal yoga this weekend
- I really want to buy that book Baby Bargins
- I'm sure there's more... I'll add if I think of more.

My next appointment is in 2 weeks. Yay! Then in 5 more weeks, we'll find out the gender! Wow! I am really going to go crazy planning once I know what we're having. I can't wait!

I'm back!

2010-03-29T11:35:00.002-05:00

I don't even think I posted about me leaving! :)
The Mr. and I met my parents down in the Virgin Islands for a week! It was wonderful!! Just the break we needed! We had perfect weather, and I didn't get too sunburned! Now if it would just stay warm here!

I have a lot of catching up to do with you guys! Can't wait to hear what's been going on.

Oh and I am officially in 2nd trimester now!! WOW! I can't even believe it! Can't wait till I start feeling my little one move!

13 Weeks

2010-03-18T12:53:00.003-05:00

My appointment this morning went wonderful! As soon as we were in a room we got to hear the heartbeat! What a beautiful sound! Every once in a while you'd hear a little bump, the nurse said it was the baby kicking! haha It was so funny!

I have gained 2 pounds since last time I was there (4 weeks ago). We have the anatomy a.k.a. find-out-what-we're-having appointment on May 6th. YAY!

I just feel so grateful that everything was good! It was so reassuring to hear that heartbeat! And I am almost out of 1st trimester! I have most of my energy back, which is awesome! and I still have not been sick... so I am thinking I am good to go!

During my bible study the other night I came across this verse:

"Don't be afraid, just believe" (Mark 5:36)

I thought, okay. I won't be afraid anymore. I can't spend my time worrying if this little baby is still doing okay. I just have to believe that he/she is and let God do His job. So, there. That's what I'm going to do (okay, I am going to try to do that. Try really, really hard!)

Much better!

2010-03-16T15:54:00.003-05:00

I caved and called the nurse yesterday soon after I posted.
She asked me tons of questions (bleeding? no. burning when urinate? no. urinating more frequently? no.) I told her I was probably being dramatic but since I had not been cramping, it had me concerned. She went ahead and let me come in and did a urine test. She was looking for the beginning of a uti. They are sending it off to culture. I am much better though! I started feeling better once I was home and relaxed. Then today, I'm good to go.

Hopefully it was just stretching, making room for the babe. I go in on Thursday for my 13 (thirteen!!! wow!) week appointment. I will feel better once they let me hear that wonderful little heartbeat!

I did get a call this morning about my bloodwork. - I went and had my 1st tri bloodwork done last Friday - Everything looked great! She said that all the tests they ran came back just the way they should! I have no clue what tests they did, but boy am I glad they came back okay! :)

Thanks ladies for your prayers yesterday! I don't know how not to worry when I get twinges or anything out of the ordinary!

Monday Paranoia

2010-03-15T11:57:00.002-05:00

So I am having cramps.
Is this normal? I really haven't cramped much.
This morning I laid on the couch, and turned to pet my dog and felt a twinge. Nothing major, I just laid back down and was fine.
After getting to work I have had mild cramps all morning. I don't feel bad, so I don't think it's what the Mr. has. They feel more like I worked out and now I'm kind of achy.
Maybe I should just call the nurse. I have my appointment on Thursday.
I wish I could just go home and lay on the couch!

Packing.

2010-03-14T17:47:00.002-05:00

This weekend I got the Mr. to get down our totes of summer clothes. I wanted to get started packing for our trip next weekend. (I know it seems early, but I just don't have much energy after I get home from work during the week). I got all my shorts together so I could try them all on to make sure they fit.

Most of them didn't.

Wow. That really bothered me! I know it sounds ridiculous. I know I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to get bigger. I guess I am still second guessing it. I wish I had an ultrasound machine where I could just look and see it anytime I wanted too! (Although I might never leave the house then!) I am just at the in between stage where I look plumper than usual, but still don't really have that baby bump.

I just got home a little bit ago and my husband is sick. Like puking sick. I hate that! I wish I could make him feel better, and at the same time I am trying not to get too close! Hopefully it will just be a 24 hour bug. :(

March 9, 2010

2010-03-09T10:35:00.004-06:00

Today would have been the due date of our first baby.
It seems so crazy that it has been 9 months. I haven't gotten emotional about it, but it is definitely a thought that remains with me throughout the day.

I feel so blessed with the peace of God right now. I am in a good place. He is reminding me that He is in control. Although it is sad to remember back and think of our sweet first baby, I just have to remember that God picked us up, brushed us off, and helped us clean up the pieces. And now He has blessed us beyond words with another sweet baby.

Okay now I'm getting emotional...

Crazy girl!

2010-03-08T15:59:00.004-06:00

I have been so busy with work last week and weekend! It is the busiest week/weekend of the year! On Thursday, I worked from 8 till 7:30 that night! And my boss even let me leave early! Then on Friday I was back at work at 8, running around all day. When I left around 4, I called the Mr. and broke into tears! I am talking big sobs! First off, I am NOT a very emotional person! Second, what the heck?! I am sure it's the hormones! I was just sooo tired! My poor husband had no clue what to say! When I talked to him later that night (after I slept for about 2 hours) he even said, "I figured the morning sickness would hit you, but not that!!" haha

I am better now :) After my breakdown, I watched House on t.v. and guess what? I cried! Tears just fell down my face! Who cries at House?!

So, then yesterday I had a panic. Is there really something in there??? I even have the heart beat monitor thing... The Mr. is better at finding the heartbeat than me, so I had him find it for me last night so I could listen. But that wasn't good enough. I then made him put it on his stomach just so I could make sure that it sounded different on mine. It did, but I still worry. My doctor told me I could come in anytime and she would check the hearbeat for me... but I really don't want to be THAT girl, plus there is only 2 more weeks until I go back for my appointment. I can make it. I just have to keep praying that God will take away this worry! I just need to remember to trust Him.

Am I seriously going crazy?!

:)

God's rules are right

2010-03-03T11:20:00.004-06:00

I did my daily devotional yesterday and something in it caught my attention. It said something along the lines of,

"You must be committed to God's right to rule and confident that God's rules are right."

How true is this?! One goes with the other.
It just really spoke to me.
I think so many times I have a problem that I am definitely committed to God and know His right to rule, but sometimes I fall short when I am confident that His rules are right. So many times I try to justify things and make things the way I want them.

Throughout the struggle with infertility I tried so many times to make things "right", and really it isn't until I truely give it to God and trust that His rules are right that I really get the peace that I so desperately desire!

On another note - now that I am pregnant, I still haven't lost the feeling of being infertile. I don't know if that will ever go away. I don't know if I want it to. Infertility has made me so much stronger. It brought me closer to God and my husband. It has given me this outlet to find so many other women that can relate. It still makes me cry to think about the struggles that I and most of you girls have gone through or are going through. I hate it. I feel like having gone through so much to get to this point, I treasure being pregnant so much differently (more?) than someone that hasn't gone through it.

I know that it is hard to read about pregnancies when you are trying to hard to get pregnant. I don't know if I have lost any readers. I understand if I have. I am still praying for those out there that are stuggling. I think I always will. I have such a spot in my heart for it now. God is so good and He knows the stuggles, He sees every tear and hears every prayer.

MIA

2010-03-01T11:27:00.003-06:00

I know, I know I have been a SLACKER!! Work has been so busy lately, then this weekend my mom and aunt came to visit... I have just been busy!

When my mom and aunt got here and I picked them up from the airport, my aunt told me she had some books for me. She has a daughter (that's 6 years older than me) that has 2 kids and one on the way. My aunt also told me she had a fetal monitor!! I was SOOO excited to try it! When I got home I laid down and tried to hear the heartbeat. I thought I did, but I lost it right after I found it. This is by no means a high tech gadget. It has earphones so only one person can hear at a time. By yesterday The Mr. and I sat down and we definitely heard it!!! It was SO exciting! We had debated about renting one... but I think you need a prescription or something... anyway it was so much fun!

My aunt is a big shopper! I am not!! But she told me to find some consignment shops in the area because they usually have really good deals on baby/kid outfits. We ended up going to 2 that are pretty close to my house, and wow was she right! I didn't buy anything yet, but I am definitely going back!

It was so great to see some of my family! I miss them so much!

As far as me... I'm still doing great! I am still tired, but really having no other major symptoms. I am getting "thicker" though! Really I wish I would just get a big ole belly bump instead of this in between! haha! I think people are questioning if I'm getting fat or if I'm pregnant! And I still feel like it's too early to get maternity pants! I might have to break down in the next week or so though!

I hate that I've been such a slacker! I can't wait to go through and see what you girls have been up to!

Grow baby grow!

2010-02-18T14:39:00.003-06:00

I had my appointment today and we got to hear the little heartbeat again! I just can't get enough of that little beat! It is SOO reassuring!

I really like my doctor too. She came in and gave me a hug and told me congratulations! I was like, thanks, nice to meet you! haha
I had asked the nurse if we could hear the heartbeat and she was hesitant... she said sometimes 9 weeks is still to early to hear on a doppler. But when the doctor came in and I asked her she said, Oh we're going to hear it one way or another today! YAY!

Thanks to the ladies who responded about the face washes. I asked the dr today and she said, well not much you can do. But she wrote out what she did. Dove bar soap, for sensitive skin, Cetaphil for in the shower, and dim the lights. HAHA seriously she wrote that.

She was not fazed that I wasn't having many symptoms. She said, well looks like you dodged a really big bullet! I am truly thankful I'm not sick, but at the same time when sooo many pregnant women get sick it makes me feel like something is wrong. I am just going to start being grateful.

I feel reassured that our precious little one is still growing in there, and I go back in 4 weeks. Wow that seems like forever! It is crazy when you are at the doctor almost every week to go so long! I will have to keep myself really occupied so the time will fly!

Random

2010-02-16T13:39:00.002-06:00

Just like the title says... this is going to be a random post :)

First off, since I got of BCP and discovered I had PCOS, acne has been a major issue! I tended to break out more when I got my period. Now that I'm pregnant, this past week anyway, I look like I'm back in high school! Does anyone have ANY recommendations on face wash? I have always tried to be cautious since we were TTC but I am REALLY cautious now of the medicines or ingredients of things I put on my face.

So I bought a bella band. Well an off brand of that. I know that you guys have no clue what I look like, since I don't have any pics of me on here, but I am a fairly small girl. So right now I feel so big and bloated! A few of my pants can't even be buttoned! So, I broke down and bought one. I wore it yesterday. It was fine. I just felt like it is too early for me to be wearing it!!

Is it weird that I am having NO crazy symptoms? I am tired, boobs are definitely growing, face breaking out, hungry all the time... but I haven't been sick, no headaches, not too much cramping, no constipation. Guess I should be thankful for that!

Speaking of boobs... my coworker told me this yesterday, "Your lady lumps look enormous today! As long as they don't hurt :)" HAHAHA Seriously?! My lady lumps!

I go in for my first "normal" appoinment on Thursday. I am so nervous and excited! I just want to hear the heartbeat again! I just need that reassurance that everything is going well in there!

Alright, well I think that was random enough! Better get back to work :)

Is this real?!

2010-02-11T11:57:00.004-06:00

Well I had my first round with heartburn last night. I never get heartburn. Hopefully I won't get it much!!

So I forgot to mention that at my appointment on Tuesday, the doctor took me off of the Metformin! So now the only pill I take is my prenatal! Yay!

I still feel like "is this REALLY happening?!" Wonder when I'll stop feeling that way. I even get nervous when people say anything to me about being pregnant... not because I'm afraid I'll loose it, but because I don't think I've fully processed the fact that I am indeed pregnant! Last night the Mr. and I went to dinner and in the middle of some conversation we were having he said something like, "and you are pregnant..." and I said, "SHHH!" haha I don't even know why! I guess I just feel like the more people that know the more real it is. And it doesn't feel real to me yet...

Does that even make sense?? I am loosing it aren't I? :)

I think I'm going to have to tell my boss tomorrow. On one hand I'm thinking, why not?! on the other I'm thinking, I want to wait until 10 weeks or so! At my job we put on a really big show every year in March. We are only a staff of 8 so we all have to work overtime and over the weekend of the show. My boss will be doing the schedule for that next week. I figure if I tell her on Friday then hopefully she'll schedule me the earlier shifts because after lunch I am just exhausted! I am really nervous to tell her! I am worried she is going to say something to make me mad - she isn't the sensitive type... and she has no idea about our infertility issues.

Anyway, just needed to ramble some! Tomorrow's Friday!!

Leaving the RE

2010-02-09T10:18:00.002-06:00

Wow! I am so nervous/excited/scared/happy to be leaving the RE! I have an appointment with a "normal" OB next Thursday. Sooooo far away :) and I already know they aren't doing an ultrasound. Boo!

So this morning the Mr. and I went to our last appointment with the RE. I am 7 weeks 6 days, and our sweet baby is measuring 8 weeks with a heartbeat of 164 bpm. It is just so amazing to hear that noise! What is more amazing is how much is going on inside and I don't feel a thing! I can't wait until I can feel the flutters!

I am so humbled by the power of God! He has really blessed us and I am trying not to take that for granted each day.

I don't think I've mentioned on here that the Mr. and I have 12 nieces and nephews (all on his side!) One of my sister-in-laws has told me that she is going to give me all her maternity clothes! I can't wait until I have a bump and not just bloat! haha His sisters also have tons of baby clothes... so that will really be great!

Thank you!

2010-02-05T10:09:00.007-06:00

I got an award! Thank you Wifey at Journey through Infertility and TTC! So I have to tell 7 interesting facts about myself... this is probably going to be tough...

1. The Mr. and I used to live in the Virgin Islands. I don't know why we left :) -that seems to be everyone's first question!

2. I have ridden horses since I was 5. Although, I haven't gotten the chance to ride for about a year now, I miss is so much! I just love being around horses!

3. The Mr. and I met in a restaurant (I was the hostess, he was a waiter), when we first met he told me he was going to marry me. I laughed. Now look at us!

4. For my 20th birthday the Mr. took me skydiving... and then I went to meet his mother!

5. My family owns a campground in the mountains of North Carolina. Growing up I thought that everyone had a campground just like us.

6. I love to bake, and I really enjoy cooking too... but I refuse to touch raw meat!! Gross!

7. I am a homebody! I would be perfectly content to stay at home ALL day!

And here is who I am nominating:

1. Jess - A Greater Yes

2. A - Remember all the Way

3. Ashley - For the Love of Shoes... and A Baby, Too

4. Hannah - Life Happens when You're Making other Plans

5. Kelli - No Lingerie Here

6. Low Fat Lady - Tales of My Follis

7. Courtney - The Yerkes Life

So here's what you need to do:
Thank the person who nominated you and copy the award in your blog
Link the person who nominated you for this award
Share seven interesting things about yourself
Nominate seven fellow bloggers and add the links to their blogs

6 weeks, 5 days

2010-02-02T10:21:00.002-06:00

We had our ultrasound this morning!!!
Things are measuring along perfectly! The baby is measuring 6 weeks and 5 days - I am 6 weeks 6 days - the nurse said that was fine. The heartbeat was 124 bpm! AMAZING! I just can't believe all of that is going on inside me! I am due on September 23.

I asked the nurse that since I have PCOS and have had a miscarriage if that puts me at high risk... she said no! All this time I assumed that when I got pregnant I would for sure be a high risk pregnancy... but nope! Good thing I asked :)

I know I haven't written much on here... I think I was still trying to wrap my mind over the fact that I'm pregnant! It still feels so surreal to me! The Mr. and I have had some talks about when to tell (or not to tell) people... he wants to tell everyone now. I think I'm at the point where I don't mind if people find out, but I am not going to announce it to a whole group yet. There is still the infertile inside me that knows how it feels to hear a pregnancy announcement... I would hate to be the cause of someones pain, even though I am super excited.

I am going to let my mom tell the family (it's easy since I don't live close) and other than that, I figure I'll just let people find out. I have personally told a few people (close friends, etc.) I just feel overwhelmed at the thought of sending out a bulk email, or something like that.

Anyway... we are overjoyed and still pinching ourselves!
We go back next week, and that might be the last time at the RE!! Wow!

Holy Cow!

2010-01-26T16:01:00.002-06:00

I just got a call back about my appointment this morning...
ready??
Beta # 3 is 14,037! I am 26 dpo.
And my progesterone is still really good (I didn't get that number).
I was praying for at least 6,000 - I am blown away! Now I am worried that it is way too high! I even asked the nurse if that was too high. She said nope, it's a good thing. She said it is perfectly normal to worry, but that these numbers are good. So.... I will try not to stress over it! Hey - maybe there is more than one in there :)

I have my ultrasound appointment scheduled for next Tuesday!! I am sooo excited!

Let God...

2010-01-24T17:59:00.003-06:00

Well, I have been feeling pretty okay. I am super tired, and the past couple days have been feeling queasy, but it isn't too bad. I am definitely NOT complaining :)

We told the Mr's parents tonight. They are separated, so we made a call to his mom and then one to his dad. They (of course) are super excited! It still feels surreal to me. Every once in a while it will hit me... I'm pregnant!

I was talking to the Mr the other night, and I told him that I'm scared I'm going to jinx it. Like if I sign up for the BabyCenter updates or if I buy or rent baby books, or anything like that, that something bad will happen. I also told him that I was scared that my boobs didn't seem to hurt as bad as they had been (I tend to over analyze). His response? What would you do about it? What would you do if they stopped hurting? Nothing. It is not in your control.

I definitely needed to hear that. None of this is in my control. No matter how much I try to be careful and rest and eat right, no matter how much I pray, this tiny baby is in God's hands. He is in control. He has His plan. That is both scary and comforting to me right now. It is hard to let go... even if it isn't in your control in the first place.

So I have been trying to live by that. Let Go and Let God. I am trying to just enjoy each day I am blessed with this pregnancy. I thank God each chance I get. The Mr rented a bunch of pregnancy books from the library (isn't he cute?!) so I have been reading them and just trying to stay in this peaceful place.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)

ICLW January!

2010-01-21T13:58:00.003-06:00

Hey!! I am a little late today doing my intro, but work is crazy!

I will just do a short "about me" post... you can see my journey to the side. I am 27 and my husband is 29. We have been trying to conceive for about a year and a half, and now I am happy to say I am 5 weeks pregnant! I haven't completely wrapped my mind around that yet. It's funny... it is such a long, hard journey that once I got here I almost don't know what to do with myself!

I am a Christian and live for God. I feel truly blessed and will do everything I can to shower this precious baby with the love of God.

The Mr. and I have a dog, we live in the South, we have been married for 3 1/2 years.
I look forward to meeting many of you and following your journey!

Beta and the wedding!

2010-01-19T15:29:00.002-06:00

I went in today for my second beta. I am 19 dpo, and my beta number was 1,604!
WOW! I am pregnant! I have a really hard time saying that out loud! I am just amazed!

My brother's wedding this weekend was amazing! It was absolutely perfect! I think it was the wedding they dreamed of :) I was tired, but feeling pretty good the whole weekend. After all the festivities and after we got my brother off on his honeymoon, the Mr. and I told my parents. I really wanted to tell them in person, and the next time I will see them will be in March. Plus it is nice to know that they are praying for a healthy baby along with us!

They were so excited! We went out to dinner to celebrate!

I am feeling pretty good. I am still getting tired in the afternoons, but it actually isn't as bad as it has been. My lower back aches and every once in a while I will get twinges in my abdomen. Fine with me! That just reminds me that there is something going on!!

It's official!!

2010-01-14T14:03:00.002-06:00

I am pregnant!!

I just got the call from my doctor, my beta was 338, and she said my progesterone was off the charts.
I am just speechless!! I have been thanking God so much!
The only real symptom I'm having now is extreme fatigue. Every once in awhile I'll feel some twinges in my abdomen, but nothing too bad.

I am beyond excited!

The Mr. and I are about to head home to go to my brothers wedding this weekend! Can't wait!!

Thanks ladies so much for your comments!!

I tested...

2010-01-12T18:36:00.002-06:00

Can you see it???

I see a very light second line. I am shaking right now!
The Mr and I were talking after dinner and he said just go take a test...
It took a little bit for the second line to show up, and obviously it is really light. I am so scared to get excited about this! I will test again in the morning. Then I have my appointment Thursday morning.

Alphabet

2010-01-12T13:19:00.007-06:00

When I got my first round of infertility meds in the mail, a little newsletter was included called "Stepping Stones". Inside there were some very inspirational stories, all Christian based. I was looking around online today when I came across their website, on it there was an Infertility Alphabet. I linked it, but I figured I would post it on here too so I could share it with you guys:

Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. Matthew 7:7

Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with Thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2

Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. James 4;8

Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and He shall hear my voice. Psalm 55:17

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life John 3:16

Godliness with contentment is great gain. I Timothy 6:6

He that abideth in me, and I in Him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without Me ye can do nothing. John 15:5

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust. Psalm 31:1

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Jude 1:21

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen Hebrews 11:1

O give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever. Psalm 106:1

Pray without ceasing. I Thessalonians 5:17

Quicken us, and we will call upon thy name. Psalm 80:18

Rejoice in every good thing which the Lord thy God hath given unto thee... Deuteronomy 26:11

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth Colossians 3:2

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope. Psalm 119:116

Verily, verily, I say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in My name, He will give it you. John 16:23

With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it... Psalm 127:1

Ye shall seek Me, and find Me when ye shall search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion... Psalm 128:5

Prayer

2010-01-11T12:43:00.003-06:00

I have been trying to stay under the radar during this 2 week wait. I am trying so hard to just relax and let God handle things. I am now 11 dpo. I want to test sooo bad! I am even scared to write the symptoms I'm having. I am really just trying to guard my heart. A few days ago I thought for sure that it didn't work, but now I am getting small glimmers of hope. That scares me!! My boobs are super sore, I am having cramping/heavy feeling in my abdomen, and I am tasting metal?? I know I've heard that this is a symptom, and I swear I'm not making it up. It's the weirdess thing!

Should I test tomorrow??? I know I should probably wait until Wednesday, and then I have an appointment on Thursday so, I might as well wait until then....

In church yesterday the preacher preached on prayer. I feel that my prayer life is pretty good. I mean I pray everyday. It, of course, could be better. I think that the Mr. and I have become much better at praying since we have been struggling with infertility. It seems that when you want something SOO bad, you somehow become great at praying. I have decided to make a conscious effort, that once we do get pregnant we continue our strong prayers. It really does make a difference.

Right now my prayer is that God give me peace about the end of this 2 ww. I could easily drive myself crazy :)

Pain of Infertility

2010-01-08T10:02:00.002-06:00

A friend of mine found a great article. I want to make sure I link where she found it. This site posted about it, but here is a link to the actual article.

What a good read! This really points out the pain of infertility and how the bible addresses things that go along with it. The pain, the anger, the way others act toward you...

It really hits the nail on the head!

Good spirits

2010-01-05T19:33:00.003-06:00

Yesterday at the doctor I got a shot in my hip, a Z pack, and some Robitussin... and I already feel TONS better! Turns out I have a sinus infection. Oh joy.

Last night I was doing my bible study. I started thinking just how BIG our God is! He created everything! I tend to forget just how much He can do. I hate to even admit that, but it is almost more than my mind can wrap around. I went back to Genesis and read about creation. I just needed to remind myself all that God did. Verse 28 caught my attention, Got told the man and woman to, "be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it." In my footnotes it told me to see Psalm 113:9 "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children."

That comforted me. I can't wait to be a mother. God knows this. He is in total control. He can create an entire universe! He knows how this cycle will turn out, He knows what the next year looks like, He knows it all! It makes it easier for me to just give it all to Him. Let Him handle everything. There is no point of me stressing out. :)

Going to the doctor

2010-01-04T10:09:00.003-06:00

Well, I think I may be getting a little better....
I am at work right now. My boss did kindly let me know that I need to go to the doctor so I don't "infect anyone else". Isn't she sweet? So I have an appointment this afternoon. It is tough explaining to the office that no I am not taking anything to make this horrid cold go away. Because I don't want to say, I'm trying to make a baby here and I just can't take it. Instead I just look dumb for not trying to get myself better. Oh well, we'll see what the doc says this afternoon.

So, I have really tried to keep my mind off this two week wait. As you all know, that's easier said than done! My abdomen and back are sore, but I think it's mainly because I keep coughing so hard! (it's too early for symptoms anyway) I have been asking God to keep my mind busy. I know that for a lot of people it takes multiple IUI's before they conceive. And for some it never works. And others it works on the first try. The Mr. and I are both praying that if is in God's will to please let us become pregnant with a healthy child! That would definitely be the perfect way to start the year!

Blah

2010-01-02T08:36:00.003-06:00

Well on Thursday night (night of the IUI) the Mr. convinced me to go out to dinner for New Year's Eve. I was still pretty crampy, but by the time we got to the restaurant I felt a lot better! And since then I haven't had any cramps.

But........ I am sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Yesterday I tried to be somewhat productive. Then last night I woke up at midnight and couldn't go back to sleep. I feel like my head is going to explode! The Mr. has been so sweet. He keeps saying, Babe we gotta get you better! You are going to have to make a baby. :) Hope he's right! He is gone right now to get me more tissues. It's hard because I don't feel like I can take anything in case I am pregnant.

I will probably be sitting on the couch most of the day. Oh and there is some snow outside! Just little flakes, but we never see snow here, so it's pretty neat!

IUI - Done!

2009-12-31T16:52:00.002-06:00

Well I'm all done with the IUI. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I started getting some cramps on my left side. I met the Mr. for lunch and had some soup, afterwards I felt so full/crampy and uncomfortable. By the time I got to the doctor I was VERY uncomfortable... I tribute it to the fact that I had to pee sooooo bad! (they said come with a full bladder, and boy did I!!)

The procedure itself was pretty uneventful, like many of you said it would be. I asked the nurse how the Mr. did and she said, "well I'll tell you, but you can't tell him! If you do his head will be so big he won't be able to walk through the door!!" She said his count was 230 million! She said they had to dilute it some because they couldn't insert that much!

Afterwards when I got home, I have been experiencing pretty sharp cramps, mainly on my left side. Is this normal?? I googled and it looks like it is... I am just hoping that nothing is wrong.

Happy New Year!!

New Years Eve

2009-12-31T09:03:00.003-06:00

Wow, 2009 is coming to a close! I just knew in January 2009 that this would be my year... even if I didn't bring home a sweet baby, I would at least be pregnant. Now, on the last day of the year I am once again hopeful that 2010 will be it. It will be my year.

As we speak, the Mr. is at the doctor giving his "specimen". I am beyond ready for this! I go in at 1:15 today. Last night I had some cramping on my left side (the side that had the two 18 mm follies). Hopefully that means I am about to ovulate.

I pray that our desire is God's will. I just realized that when I have to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks, it will be the day that I am leaving to go to my brothers wedding! Which I'm in. So, this will either be a happy/nervous time, or I will be trying to be happy while grabbing the wine :) Either way, I know that God is in control of the situation.

Hope everyone has a happy, safe New Year's!!

Ready!

2009-12-29T14:26:00.002-06:00

I had my appointment this morning. I had two 18 mm follicles on the left side, and then a 12 and a 13... so I'm ready :) The nurse called this afternoon and said that I need to do the Ovidrel shot tomorrow morning. On Thursday the Mr. goes in at 8:45, then I go in that afternoon at 1:15 for the IUI.

I am sooo excited! I know this isn't a guarantee, but it is just exciting to be doing something different!

On another note... I am getting sick. Sucks. I am never sick! I am trying to drink tons of water to knock it out!

I pray soo hard that this is IT!

I'm back!

2009-12-27T19:35:00.002-06:00

Well we just got back from visiting the family for Christmas. It was GREAT! Sooooo nice to see the family! We had a great time! Now it's back to the "real world"!

I started my injections on Monday. That was a little strange. Bringing all the needles and syringes and all the other stuff I needed to do them! Not to mention we were staying with my sister-in-law and her 14 year old girl and 6 year old boy! I just prayed everytime that one of them wouldn't start banging on the door and scare me!

They are going well. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday. My prayer is that I am ready to trigger and we can do the IUI on Thursday! AND that it will work!! :)

Can't wait to go check in on you guys and see what I missed!

Starting another cycle...

2009-12-15T18:43:00.002-06:00

Well, I thought I would have to take a break.... but I don't! I mean, I guess the past 2 weeks and the next 1 week will be a pretty good "break" but I am very excited to have another plan ready! (If you've been reading awhile, you know I like PLANS!)

So, the nurse called. She first asked if I will be able to do injections while I'm out of town. Um... yes. If you told me to stand on my head and clap my hands, I would make that work too!
I am to start the injections on Monday night. 75 IU of Menopur (same as I have previously done). I go back to the doctor on Tuesday the 29th. So that gives me 8 days of the injections. Which hopefully will be enough! I have had one cycle that it took 12 days. We shall see!

This is an IUI cycle! My first (and hopefully last!) IUI. I know that many of you have been through this before. I don't know what to expect. The nurse said that if everything were a "go" that Tuesday, then I would trigger Tuesday night, then Thursday morning we would start the process. What has your experience been like? I am not one for believing the ole wives tales (like eating pineapple during the 2ww) but I am up for anything at this point! And with being around family, it will for sure take my mind of the injections!

Prayer and petition

2009-12-15T10:13:00.002-06:00

I am still trying to snap out of my funk, but at least everything isn't making me cry now! It is so hard not to be mad at those fertile people.

I have been on my knees numerous times this week. I have been pouring out to God. I have mentioned it here before but I always go back to the verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6) Yesterday I came across this verse (I bolded what spoke to me): "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission." (Hebrews 5:7) Even Jesus went through trials. Even Jesus was on his knees crying and pleading with God.

Sunday night was probably the worst I've been. I am not a crier, and I was balling. I felt helpless and drained. My husband was so great. He bought me some wine on his way home and just let me be. Like some of you have said... we get in these slumps and slowly make our way back to the world. I am almost there.

I had my appointment this morning. I was hoping that God would give me a miracle and my body would suddenly start ovulating on it's own. Nope. Not this time. Like always, I have many "pearls" of cysts in my ovaries. But at least it looked normal (well, normal for me anyway!) The doctor came in and said that it looked like we could get started...

BUT the Mr. is going out of town tomorrow and I will be leaving on Friday. The doctor asked when we'd be back... I said the 27th. He said, well maybe not start tonight, but maybe start later. That was something I hadn't thought of! If I take all my meds with me, I could start while I am on Christmas vacation - then go in to the doctor when I got back and hopefully could trigger! I am waiting for them to call me back and let me know what the plan is! It will be hard (we are staying with the Mr's sister) but it can be done!

I am hopeful!
I just pray pray pray that an IUI does it for us! If nothing else, IF does show you how strong you can be...

More venting...

2009-12-13T20:10:00.002-06:00

Right after I posted the last post I got on facebook. A friend from church is pregnant.
I was shocked! I shouldn't be... her plans have worked out E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. how she wanted them to. Then I checked my email... she had emailed me.
She said she understood how we were trying (she knew our situation), blah, blah, blah. And then she said, and I quote, "we had been trying for several months. It seemed like everyone else around us was getting pregnant. So I kinda know how you feel."

How would this make any of you feel????
No way does she even come close to knowing how I feel! But I know she is so excited, and I shouldn't let my jealously take over my feelings. I can't help it. I feel SO sad! I have cried all the tears I have. I just don't understand how for some people EVERY plan they have comes true. And yet for others it takes fighting for everything. At least sometimes it feels that way.

I'm sorry this is such a downer day for me. I am sure I will snap out of it.
Thanks ladies for your prayers and kind words! I know that everyone has "down" days. I just can't wait to see what God has planned!

Signs

2009-12-13T12:04:00.005-06:00

It is only noon, and already this is a tough day for me. I always refer to infertility as being on a rollercoaster - well, I am at the bottom of the hill right now.

First off... I am a big "sign" person. I feel that God uses signs (as well as other people) to communicate to us. A lot of the time I don't realize that I even got a sign until afterwards and I look back and can see - ooh so that's what God was trying to tell me.

So, when I am praying about a child, I deep down hope that God will give me a sign (an obvious one!) just to show me that everything will work out. That I will get pregnant with a healthy baby. That I deserve it. That it will happen. So far, I haven't gotten this. -BUT on the flip side, I haven't gotten a sign that it won't happen.

Today in church we had a wonderful service! Our choir sang some Christmas songs that really touched me. One of the songs was a solo, O Holy Night. On the screen there were pictures of a baby (Jesus) in the manger. There were close ups of the sweet baby toes, and sweet baby hands... I fought back tears. Then the preacher started his sermon. Among other things, he said that in a way God adopted us. We are His children. This was a segway for the preacher to start talking about a couple in church (we will call her A and him B) that adopted a baby girl from China a few months ago. I know them, so I know their story (basically couldn't get pregnant, felt led to adopt, 6 years later brought home this sweet baby girl). A is a singer, so she got up to sing and on the screen were shots of them traveling to China and bringing home their sweet baby.

I lost it. Right there in church. Was God trying to tell me to adopt??? In my Sunday school class we were talking about how to listen to God. So when I got home (the Mr. had to go to a work meeting, so I am by myself) I got on my knees and just prayed. And then I just sat and listened. I felt like I was supposed to look at Psalms 116. The beginning, "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy." And then later "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

It made me feel better. I still feel like I don't have an answer. But sometimes our answer is WAIT. In the meantime I am trying to really be open to what God wants me to do. I honestly haven't let myself consider adoption yet.

Thanks for letting me ramble- it helps to put thoughts out in writing.

I'm still here

2009-12-08T11:00:00.002-06:00

I have been MIA on this blog! I just haven't had much to say I guess. I had a "why me?!" moment this past weekend. You know the one.... why is this happening to me? what did I do? why is it sooo easy for everyone else? when will it be my turn?

I hate when I get in those moods.

So, I go back to the RE next Tuesday. Part of me wonders if [hopes!] my body will suddenly wake up and start a cycle on it's own. Hey - why not? How awesome would that be if I took this month off (from the med cycle) and bam I get pregnant on my own?!

My mom is so funny - I was talking to her the other day. The Mr and I are going on a vacation with my parents in March. We are going down to the Caribbean (where the Mr. and I used to live). So, my mom was saying - wouldn't that be awesome if you came back and had a "souvenir" from the islands?! I actually would really like to be pregnant before then, but we'll see. It would be a neat story :)

Foolish.

2009-12-01T08:57:00.004-06:00

So I am in better spirits :) Thanks ladies for your comments. I can't say enough how awesome it is to have so much support/advice/comfort/etc. from people I have never met! I was telling the Mr. how great it is to get on this blog and pour out my heart and what I am feeling (or not feeling), or symptoms, or questions and have so many people know EXACTLY what I mean!

I read a daily devotional by Beth Moore every day... the other day one of them said something along the lines of, "Why do we feel the need to pray so safely? Who are we trying to keep from looking foolish? Us or Him?"

Very interesting. It really got me thinking. I DO pray "safely" but what I overlook is that God is in the miracle making business! He can do it! He has done things that can't be explained! If it is His will He will make it happen. I think I pray "safe" because I am worried that I am asking too much, or I think, why would God choose me. I like when my preacher says, "We serve a BIG God, and He can do BIG things!" So true.

I don't think I updated that my nurse called me back on Tuesday afternoon and said my bloodwork showed that everything was pretty much back to baseline, but the doctor wanted to wait a couple weeks for those follies to go back down. So........ I don't go back until next Tuesday. The Mr. is headed out of town the next day. I will be leaving a few days after that. Basically I will have to wait until after Christmas to start up the next cycle.

BUT (like many of you pointed out) my mind will be filled with family and friends with the holiday just around the corner. I need to use this time to get back on track. I have been working out (again... hopefully this time it will last! ha!) I want to just clear my mind.... just relax! Then in January - we can start the New Year fresh! With an IUI!

Oh... and more good news... our bedroom set FINALLY got here!! YAY!!!

Feeling blah

2009-12-01T08:22:00.002-06:00

It's going to be one of those weeks for me. I am just feeling sad and "down".

I had my appointment this morning. My follies are enormous - surprise, surprise. I just knew this would happen. The doctor came in the room and I asked if this was "normal". I honestly didn't really understand what he explained to me. (big, medical words...) But I basically got that it happens, it isn't "normal" but it happens, especially when I am being stimulated. The Dr. said that they suspect it happens in "normal" people, but since they don't get an ultrasound it goes un-noticed.

Anyway, so then he said that we would probably have to wait about a week or a week and half to make sure these follies go back down to "normal" (I am getting carried away with the quotes!). Know what that means? It means that I will go back and not be able to do anything because the Mr. will be out of town - and then I'll be out of town for Christmas. Sooooo I think I am out this month. :(

The Dr. did say that it is completely up to us, but if we wanted to go ahead and be more aggressive, he would be okay doing an IUI this next cycle. That is some good news. I am looking forward to the next step.

They will call this afternoon after they check my bloodwork, but I'm pretty sure they won't want to see me back for at least a week. In the meantime, I will try to cheer up.

Day one

2009-11-29T19:04:00.003-06:00

Thanks for the support and sweet comments ladies!

I am now officially cycle day 1. Soon after I posted the last post I started packing to get ready to make the 8 hour drive back home from visiting the parents. Annnnd..... the cramps started. Full force. I just knew. So that made for an extra fun drive home. I am now on the couch with my heating bag.

I will make an appointment for Tuesday, but everytime I go in for my after-the-two-week-wait- appointment, my follies are always extra large and I have to wait at least a week before I can start another cycle. So.... this would mean I would have to sit December out. The Mr will be going out of town 4 days before me for Christmas, which means a week and a half that we will be out of town. That sucks.

Anyway, I know the good Lord has a plan. I am still throwing this to Him, I definitely can't handle it on my own!

Good luck to you ladies still in your wait out there!!

This is weird

2009-11-29T06:38:00.002-06:00

First of all, we had a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving! I absolutely LOVE being around my family!

Second... I am about 11 DPO today. Normally I start my period around 11-12 DPO (I know it seems early, but that's when it happens). I have mentioned that I have felt no symptoms this cycle. Well about 4 days ago my boobs started getting sore. They have stayed this way. I, of course, started hoping that this was it.

Normally when I start my period I get cramps from hell! I am talking close to tears, bent over, heating pad all day, popping Advil type of cramps. So, yesterday I went to the bathroom and saw a light brown. Dangit, I just knew I was going to start. My mom and I went to the mall, and when I got home there was a little more of the brown, but after that, nothing. I have had no cramps either. Isn't this weird?!

I want SOOOOO bad for this cycle to work, but after that episode yesterday my hope has been crushed. Could it still even be possible? I wanted to test today, just to see, but I chickened out. I have to go to the dr. on Tuesday anyway.

Last night I just cried and cried into the Mr's arms. I am so sad that I think this cycle didn't work - I am probably going to have to take a break since the holidays would be in the middle of the next cycle (we will be out of town). And I am so sad to be leaving my family. We really need to move closer!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-24T14:17:00.005-06:00

Thanks for the comments on the last post! I am in a MUCH better mood today :) - I know my coworkers are thankful for that!

I also know that it is early, and I shouldn't dwell on the lack of symptoms. It is true... I have no idea what is from the medicine and what could be symptoms of a BFP. (Thanks Nicole!) I am feeling heavy in my abdomen. But that's about it. No worries! I am about to go see my family, so that will be a good distraction!

So, I have really been focused on this scripture lately:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7)

I have mentioned before that I do feel a peace about me with this situation. But I still struggle with the fine line of obsessing and just being conscious of the meds, and what my body is doing/going through. I also have trouble with praying. Do I pray for a child? Do I just pray for God's will? Do I pray and beg for a healthy baby? Do I just pray that I will be content?

I am trying so hard to pray that it is God's will for me to have a healthy baby. And if it is not His will, that I will have peace about it. I like the scripture, because it reminds me not to be anxious. (which we all know is way to easy to do!) And the scripture says "by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving" pray to God. Thanksgiving is coming up, and what better day to remind us of how much we have to be thankful for!! God has not forgot about us! I know I need to be reminded to be thankful for what I DO have, and after that pray for the child I desperately desire.

I will try to get on and blog while I am home. Hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

One of those days...

2009-11-23T15:50:00.003-06:00

First off, I am not a big drinker. I mean I had my wild fun days in college, but I have changed. A glass of wine every now and then, but nothing more. Let me just say that first :)

Today would be one of those days that I could really use a drink when I got off work! If I wasn't in the two week wait, I would at least get a glass of wine! I mean seriously, I am about to pull my hair out here at work!

I shouldn't be blogging right now (shh don't tell) but I needed to escape, just for a minute! Does anyone else have those days?! And, of course, I would feel like this when I can't have a drink! ha!

Speaking of... like I said in the previous post, I am really not trying to analyze everything BUT (I can't help it!) I am really feeling nothing! I am guessing this didn't work this time. I know it is still early though.

Hope everyone else is having a good day!

November ICLW!

2009-11-22T20:45:00.003-06:00

Okay, I am a little late getting started with ICLW! I feel like I have been so busy lately!

You can see my journey off to the right of my blog. Currently I am in the dreaded two week wait! I did my trigger last Monday, so I am actually about half way finished with the wait! I am really trying to relax and let God do His will. It is oddly reassuring to know that there is nothing that I can do (or not do) that will change God's plan.

So far I have had NO symptoms. I had some cramps on Wednesday- I am assuming that was ovulation. I had a few twinges today, but nothing big. I am trying not to analyze everything! I have been really busy, so it makes the time past faster!

I am going to see my family in N.C. on Tuesday and staying through Sunday. If this cycle didn't work, I expect AF to be here before I leave N.C. I pray that it is God's will for this to be it!! We shall see!!

Pretty sure

2009-11-18T13:07:00.003-06:00

I am pretty sure I am:

a) ovulating today

or

b) just having pains in my abdomen because I did a hardcore ab workout on Sunday, and now I am sore from it.

I am pretty sure it's a. (Honestly, I really have no clue how to tell besides cramps.) I started cramping some last night, and today off and on I've been having cramps. At least something is going on in there! I did have a good workout though - and I am sore! That's why it is hard to tell what is going on :)

I am really making a point this cycle to "Let go, and let God". I am praying so hard that it is God's will for us to conceive this time around! At the same time, if it is not His will, I pray that I will have peace with that. My mind keeps wandering to the "what ifs". And the "have I done everything I cans". It is so hard not to get in that mindset! I found myself thinking - okay we did the deed when we were supposed to... but did I lay on my back for long enough afterwards? (even though I hear mixed comments on if that even matters!) And I caught myself... If this is meant to be, God WILL make this happen. "...with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26) If it isn't, then it doesn't matter what I do!

Trigger!

2009-11-16T13:58:00.004-06:00

I am triggering tonight! Yay!

I had my doctors appointment this morning. I haven't really been feeling "full" so I didn't think that I would be ready to trigger. On the ultrasound the nurse said I had 5 or 6 follicles around 13/14 mm, and then I had one at 18 mm.

When they called this afternoon (after reviewing bloodwork and talking with the doctor) the nurse told me that my estradiol level was 388, which she said was encouraging. If it were much higher they would be a little worried. That would mean that all of the follicles that were growing would probably mature. Since it was 388 that ment that not all of them were mature. Since I have one at 18, the doctor wants me to go ahead and trigger tonight. If I were to do more of the Menopur, it might cause the other 5 or 6 to mature and therefore cause much worry of having multiples.

Does that make sense to anyone other than me?! :)

The nurse said that the doctor feels okay for me to trigger tonight, but since there is a chance of multiples that it was up to me/us. Obviously I am okay with that!
(sidenote: I feel that all of us doing all the fertility treatments are pretty much aware of multiples)

So... tonight's the night! Yay! Then the dreaded 2ww. But at least Thanksgiving is next week... sooo I will be enjoying time at home with my family! That will for sure take my mind of the wait :)

Keep on, keepin on

2009-11-12T14:47:00.002-06:00

I went back to the RE this morning, and just as I suspected - not too much going on. I think the doctor is scared to bump me up to the 112 IU because he doesn't want me overstimulated. Which is fine, BUT that just means I have to do the shot of 75 IU for longer. Blah.

Oh well though... I only have 4 more days to do the shot and then I go back in Monday morning. Hopefully I can trigger Monday night!

HSG... done!

2009-11-11T14:23:00.002-06:00

First off, thank you so much to those that sent some prayers my way! I was really nervous!! I did get the Mr. to go with me. He said he was more than happy to go, but I kept down-playing it (nah, it's no big deal, it won't last long, don't worry about it). Then this morning I said, okay if you don't care, meet me there.

He was there :) Good thing too - I waited at the hospital for about 2 hours! And, of course, the procedure only lasted, um... 10 minutes tops! I really appreciate you guys being so honest! It was painful! While you are up on that bed it seems like it lasts f o r e v e r but really it was only 5 or 10 minutes that that thing was inserted. The doctor got everything in place, which really hurt, then he said, Okay now we will just get the radiologist in here... I'm like HELLO! Get him NOW!

Results: tubes are all clear! Yay! I kinda figured, but, hey at least I know for sure now. And there is no other abnormalities. I get to go back to the RE in the morning for bloodwork and an ultrasound. Hopefully he will up my Menopur because honestly I feel nothing. I have been doing the 75 IU for the past 6 days and I feel no difference - maybe just a couple days of the 112 IU like last time and I'll be ready to trigger!

I am back at work now. I'm a little crampy. Wish I was home on the couch :) I am just glad to have that over with!!

The pic

2009-11-10T10:32:00.003-06:00

Here is a picture, per request :)
I can't wait for it to get here!

Also, if you guys remember - please pray for me tomorrow at noon. That is when I am having the HSG done. Thanks!!

Bedroom suite

2009-11-09T12:47:00.002-06:00

This weekend was BEAUTIFUL!!! The Mr. and I went out looking for a new bedroom set... and... we bought one!! I am SOOOO excited! I have wanted one since we got married (over 3 years ago), but finally convinced the Mr. that he wants one too :) It is being delivered later this week.

I have been putting off pushing for one because what if we got pregnant?? Then I would have wanted that money to go to the baby! I try to get us to save save save, because - well, babies are expensive. I realized though that after a year and a half of trying to have a baby, this is not going to happen when I want it to. I am really trying hard to just live for today. God has the perfect plan. If we are supposed to have a baby now, then we will and everything will work out. (money, jobs, life, everything!) I am really trying to just let go and let God. My grandmother used to say that.

Let go, and let God.

It should be my new motto :)

Weekend's here!!

2009-11-06T14:36:00.004-06:00

THANK YOU! You ladies are awesome! I really appreciate the comments from my last post! Even though it isn't good news, I really just want the truth :) I feel better about things today. A good friend reminded me, all this is going to be SOO worth it! And she's right!

I agree with some of you guys, I have no clue why my doctor is doing the HSG now instead of at the beginning? But I have heard cases of women becoming pregnant after these because they kind of "cleared the way". I guess the doctor was just trying to get me to ovulate first (?) since I didn't ovulate on the oral meds, and the first cycle with injections I became pregnant - it obviously worked, and now I guess he is just wanting to make sure that everything is okay. So - whatever. I have prayed that God give the doctor wisdom in my situation because I will do what the doctor says.

Last night the Menopur went well. I mean, don't get me wrong, it still sucks, but I did it with ease. Guess I am getting used to it. I am still nervous about the HSG, but I gotta do what I gotta do, right? The Mr. asked if he should come with me? I told him no, but did your husbands go with you? And the nurse said I could come back to work afterwards. I am planning on it, but after hearing some of your comments, I'm not sure I will feel like it.

I am debating on what to tell my boss too. She has no idea that we are going through through this. I would rather not get into that with her though. I work in a really small office, and I just want to keep my personal life out of it. I figured I would just tell her I have a procedure and will be gone a couple hours. I will let her know it's not a big deal, and hopefully she won't press the issue.

Well, TGIF! Soooo happy it's Friday! AND it's supposed to be beautiful outside!
Happy Weekend!

My new plan

2009-11-05T13:30:00.004-06:00

My appointment went well today. Everything was quiet and back to being "normal" size. I asked the nurse what she thought our next step might be... I was inquiring about and IUI. She said she would ask the doctor and see what he thought.

I just got a call on my lunch break. She said that everything looked great and I could go ahead and start 75 IU of the Menopur tonight and continue until next Thursday morning when I have another appointment. She also said that the doctor wants to do a HSG on me.

Is this crazy? I know I have read that many of you ladies have had this done, but normally it seems like it is done at the beginning of the infertility - I am ovulating now so (to me) it seems like my tubes are open. The nurse said that this can be therapeutic even if my tubes are open, like if there is any mucus or anything it can clear out my tubes. The doctor just wants to make sure that everything is flowing, I guess. So I am having this procedure done next Wednesday.

I am really nervous about it! How bad does it hurt??? The nurse said I might feel some "discomfort" but I have read some experiences where it hurt. I have no clue what to expect - the nurse said it is only like a 5 minute procedure.

Then she told me that the doctor said that next cycle (if this one doesn't work) then he wants to try an IUI. So.... that's the plan. I am okay with things. Like I said I am nervous, but I like having plans :)

Please share some wisdom on this procedure with me!!! I think the fact that I know it will probably hurt is making me more nervous! I'm sure it's just a pinch, right??

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow..

2009-11-04T14:28:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is my RE appointment! I am very eager to get this cycle going! It has been 3 weeks since I was last at the doctor! It seems like forever :)

I really hope that everything looks normal and quiet so I can start the injections again tomorrow night. I feel like everything in there is normal! Funny how I am so aware of my body now! The slightest twinge, I feel it, and I have a [self] diagnosis on why it twinged.

The appointment is bright and early, like always!

On another note, I am sooo tired today! It is very boring here at the office, I could literally put my head on my desk and fall asleep! Hopefully when I leave here I will get my second wind. Tonight the Mr. is home for dinner - we haven't had dinner together since before he left last week! I am really excited :)

Cast away

2009-11-01T18:28:00.004-06:00

Well the weekend is coming to a close... the Mr. should be home soon :) Usually when he is gone on Sunday's I don't go to church by myself. I am not a do-things-alone kinda girl. But this Sunday was a kickoff for a new sermon series about Stress! I really felt a tug to go - so I did. And boy I'm glad I did! I really needed to hear it!

The main scripture that the preacher was preaching from was 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." He used an example with a fly fishing pole. He waved it back and forth like he was fly fishing. He said that this is how people try to "cast" or give their problems to God... they give it, then take it back, and give it, and take it back.

How true is that?! I know I do this! I give my stress and problems with infertility (or anything for that matter!) to God, I ask (and receive) peace about it, but then, especially when that 2 week wait hits I am a STRESS BALL! I take the problem back and try to deal with it alone. God asks us to "cast ALL your anxiety on him" He doesn't tell us to take it back. I am really going to work on this.

The preacher also pointed out the scripture, 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (I bolded the part that spoke to me)

God will NOT give you anything you can't handle. Going through infertility is Hell. It really is. But God knows what we are going through, He knows our pain and our sadness. He is there! Give it to Him and let Him worry about it. God will not let you fall, you just have to trust Him.

I needed this today. I have been really emotional the past few days (it could have something to do with the Mr. being gone, and my dog getting sick...) I found out that a friend of mine is in labor right now. I am so happy for her! but at the same time it is a reminder of what I don't have. I know that I will get pregnant. I just need to keep praying that I don't let IF stress me out anymore..... easier said than done, right?

Rambling...

2009-10-29T11:45:00.004-05:00

I have been very boring over here - sorry!
I was a total slacker in this months ICLW! I didn't realize that work was going to CONSUME me this week! Not only that, but I really have nothing new to report.

I need to make my doctors appointment for next week. It seems like f o r e v e r since I was there last! You get pretty used to going once (or twice) a week, so 3 weeks is a lifetime! I feel back to my "normal" self. No longer feeling cramps, or fat, or any of that. It's nice to know that "I" am still here :) I have been doing pretty good working out, I figure that should help my body cooperate!

I was looking forward to next week and if I start my injections on Thursday and if I only do them for about 7 days, then that would put my timing for ovulation around Friday the 13th (do de do de do). I am praying that it is God's will that we will conceive this next time! If all that worked out, then my 2ww would end while we are on Thanksgiving break (with my family! Yay!) Then if we did conceive then it would be just perfect, if we didn't then I might have to wait 3 more weeks for my follies to chill out (like this time) and that would put me on Christmas break...

All that to say that if it doesn't work this time, I will probably have to sit out next month just because of timing around the holidays. :(

Am I completely ridiculous for trying to PLAN so far ahead?! [Yes, yes you are.] But I just can't help it. I want to be a mom so bad! I just can't wait to be pregnant. I wish I had a way I could just do a sneek peak into the future just to see what God has in store for me/us. Then I could at least be prepared for it....

In God's Hands

Birth Story!

I'm here!

Come on baby!

39 week appt

I'm still here

Not even close...

35/35

Today...

The other side.

Emotional

Question...

Weekend and detergent

Nosey

Article

My friend.

Baby Shower!

A year ago...

28 weeks!

Interesting...

Tired!

The weekend

Cloth...

Double Digits!

My hubby

Work

Pray like you mean it!

**Update**

Done with the test.

Dangit PCOS!!!

Doctor tomorrow

Memorial Weekend

Update

Bittersweet

Sunday...

Halfway!

Random thoughts:

The crib!

A first

The God we want...

It's all good!

Productive!

17 weeks and a surprise

ramblings...

Some updates:

Wow!

15 weeks...

I'm back!

13 Weeks

Much better!

Monday Paranoia

Packing.

March 9, 2010

Crazy girl!

God's rules are right

MIA

Grow baby grow!

Random

Is this real?!

Leaving the RE

Thank you!

6 weeks, 5 days

Holy Cow!

Let God...

ICLW January!

Beta and the wedding!

It's official!!

I tested...

Alphabet

Prayer

Pain of Infertility

Good spirits

Going to the doctor

Blah

IUI - Done!

New Years Eve

Ready!

I'm back!

Starting another cycle...

Prayer and petition

Update