I mentioned before... but I am having a hard time figuring out what to pray for. I am so scared of being let down, or disappointed...
If I pray for a child, then I run the risk of not getting one and being sad about it. I run the risk of getting back into the obsession of infertility treatments - which is fine, but I am not ready to be in that place yet. I run the risk of getting pregnant and then losing a baby... again. I don't want to go through any of that right now.
If I don't pray for a child... then I run the risk of not getting one. Which I don't know if I am okay with.
I know this sounds crazy. I think I just need to decide what I want and then put 100% into it. I am pretty sure I want another child. I get the ache when I see a newborn. I get teary when I see a mom holding her brand new baby. I can see our family with another child. I just need to work through being scared of all the other things that go along with wanting a child.
Maybe that's what I should pray for... guidance. God knows what I can and cannot handle. I need to pray that I just trust Him.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Recovering.
When the Mr. got back into town after the miscarriage and D&C, we had a long talk. I think we both felt like we couldn't go through something like that again. If that meant we only had one child, then that's what that meant.
I can't put into words how broken I felt. We went to church that Sunday and guess what the preacher preached on??? 1 Samuel. Go figure.
I was intrigued. I found out afterwards that the Mr. wanted to throw a chair across the room! He was mad at God for that being the message! ha! I just figured I needed to hear something in that message... and I was right.
The preacher talked about how Elkanah asked Hannah, "...don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" The preacher said that it is like there are rooms in your heart... a room for your husband, a room for your family, a room for this and a room for that.... and a room for a child. No one else can fill that room. The room is meant for a child. It is impossible for anyone else to fulfil the need for that room. So, until that room is full, there will always be an empty "room" in Hannah's heart.
Wow.
So true.
That was such a visual way to see the longing for a child. I told the Mr. that since we had 14 weeks to think we were going to have another child, that was 14 weeks of preparing my heart for another baby, now that I had miscarried, I have an empty "room" that only another child can fill.
But I wasn't - am I'm still not - ready to go back to a fertility specialist. I am still not ready to say "let's try again!" We aren't preventing, but I also haven't had another period since June (and no I'm not pregnant... I took a test!) (Stupid PCOS) I feel like I have "recovered" from the miscarriage... but the scars are still there. They won't go away. Even if/when we do get pregnant again, the scars will be there.
For now I am content with the Mr and our Little Man! We shall see what the future holds...
I can't put into words how broken I felt. We went to church that Sunday and guess what the preacher preached on??? 1 Samuel. Go figure.
I was intrigued. I found out afterwards that the Mr. wanted to throw a chair across the room! He was mad at God for that being the message! ha! I just figured I needed to hear something in that message... and I was right.
The preacher talked about how Elkanah asked Hannah, "...don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" The preacher said that it is like there are rooms in your heart... a room for your husband, a room for your family, a room for this and a room for that.... and a room for a child. No one else can fill that room. The room is meant for a child. It is impossible for anyone else to fulfil the need for that room. So, until that room is full, there will always be an empty "room" in Hannah's heart.
Wow.
So true.
That was such a visual way to see the longing for a child. I told the Mr. that since we had 14 weeks to think we were going to have another child, that was 14 weeks of preparing my heart for another baby, now that I had miscarried, I have an empty "room" that only another child can fill.
But I wasn't - am I'm still not - ready to go back to a fertility specialist. I am still not ready to say "let's try again!" We aren't preventing, but I also haven't had another period since June (and no I'm not pregnant... I took a test!) (Stupid PCOS) I feel like I have "recovered" from the miscarriage... but the scars are still there. They won't go away. Even if/when we do get pregnant again, the scars will be there.
For now I am content with the Mr and our Little Man! We shall see what the future holds...
2nd pregnancy and miscarriage...
So, I wanted to elaborate a bit about our 2nd pregnancy and miscarriage.
First of all, when we got pregnant - it was totally a "God thing"... you know what I mean. We had been to the fertility specialist in January, I called my insurance (I am now on the Mr's, when we concieved Little Man I was on my own) and the insurance told me that they would cover infertility. Well, they said they would cover everything up to sperm actually meeting egg (i.e. IVF). After leaving the specialist at the end of February, and getting set up with the injections, I got a call from the drug company that was going to be mailing the meds. They said that the meds were NOT covered, and it would be over $1200!!!! What tha?!
I was in tears!
Then about an hour later, I got a call from the nurse at the specialist office... she had my bloodwork results and... I was pregnant! About 4 weeks! I was floored! I kept saying, this is impossible!
I had a couple more appts to reconfirm, then I had a couple ultrasounds where we heard the precious heartbeat and saw the little peanut.
I was released from the specialist and went to find an OB. Remember we had moved to a new area, so I had to get a new one. We lived in a tiny town near the coast of NC. There was only 1, yes ONE, OB/GYN in town... when I called, here is how it went down:
Me: I need to make an appointment
Lady: For what?
Me: I'm pregnant! 8 weeks!
Lady: How do you know?
Me: Um... well, I was going to a specialist (an hour away, by the way), and he told me, plus I've taken a pregnancy test, and had ultrasounds...
Lady: We will need to have confirmation of the pregnancy before I can set up an appointment for you.
Me: Huh?
Lady: We need proof
Seriously?! Is this normal? Have you ladies had to go through that?
So, I had to get my records faxed, which took f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
Once that was done, they couldn't get me in for another few weeks... so I was going to be 14 weeks pregnant before I saw the doctor.
So, that made me uneasy, first of all.
The beginning of the pregnancy I felt HORRIBLE! Nauseous, tired, blah! I was so glad to have the Mr. to help with Little Man, because I just couldn't do anything! At 8 weeks, the symptoms stopped. I felt like something wasn't right, but I figured I was just getting over the initial sickness.
In April, I was almost 14 weeks pregnant and started spotting. It was really light, really brown, but it was there. I spotted before my first miscarriage, and never spotted while pregnant with Little Man. So I was scared! I went to the ER (in our tiny little town). I asked for an ultrasound, I was told they don't do one unless there is a chance of an ectopic pregnancy. I didn't even get in a hospital gown, they didn't take blood, they didn't take a urine sample... they found the heartbeat, did an internal exam, and sent me home. They said "take it easy," "everything is fine!" Okay...
The next day, I was cramping but not spotting anymore. The Mr. went on a week long business trip, so I packed up Little Man, my dog, and drove to my parents (3 hours away) to stay for the week. When I got to their house, I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood!
I went directly to the ER.
It was a different world here! They put me in a hospital gown, hooked me up to an IV, got a urine sample, did an ultrasound... I was there a long time, but they did everything! When I saw the ultrasound, I told my mom (who was with me), something is wrong. The baby is too small.
I was right. I had miscarried. The baby was only measuring 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I was soooo mad! What the heck had the tiny town ER heard?! They told me THE DAY BEFORE they heard the heartbeat! And everything was fine! IT WASN'T!!
The Mr was out of town, so I called him, in tears. The nurses at the ER were really nice, and really understanding. They got me in with a doctor the next day to do a D&C... which was nice, since I wasn't a patient in that town.
My dad was with me when I got the news (mom went to their house to put Little Man to bed). I felt broken. I got to my parents and sat in the shower and cried until I couldn't get anything else out.
The next morning (early!) I went back to the hospital and got the D&C. The procedure itself was fast, easy, I don't remember any of it. They put me to sleep. The recovery was long... I think I bled for about 3/4 weeks afterwards. And it was a lot of bleeding.
We got a bill for our copay from the tiny town ER, and disputed it. I mean, they didn't do ANYTHING even after I asked for an ultrasound, they "found" a heartbeat, and they told me it was all okay. All wrong. They dismissed the bill.
After that the Mr. put in for a transfer, and we moved two months after that. To a bigger city!
I don't even think I can compare the 1st miscarriage I had to the 2nd, except to say, that this one really broke me.
First of all, when we got pregnant - it was totally a "God thing"... you know what I mean. We had been to the fertility specialist in January, I called my insurance (I am now on the Mr's, when we concieved Little Man I was on my own) and the insurance told me that they would cover infertility. Well, they said they would cover everything up to sperm actually meeting egg (i.e. IVF). After leaving the specialist at the end of February, and getting set up with the injections, I got a call from the drug company that was going to be mailing the meds. They said that the meds were NOT covered, and it would be over $1200!!!! What tha?!
I was in tears!
Then about an hour later, I got a call from the nurse at the specialist office... she had my bloodwork results and... I was pregnant! About 4 weeks! I was floored! I kept saying, this is impossible!
I had a couple more appts to reconfirm, then I had a couple ultrasounds where we heard the precious heartbeat and saw the little peanut.
I was released from the specialist and went to find an OB. Remember we had moved to a new area, so I had to get a new one. We lived in a tiny town near the coast of NC. There was only 1, yes ONE, OB/GYN in town... when I called, here is how it went down:
Me: I need to make an appointment
Lady: For what?
Me: I'm pregnant! 8 weeks!
Lady: How do you know?
Me: Um... well, I was going to a specialist (an hour away, by the way), and he told me, plus I've taken a pregnancy test, and had ultrasounds...
Lady: We will need to have confirmation of the pregnancy before I can set up an appointment for you.
Me: Huh?
Lady: We need proof
Seriously?! Is this normal? Have you ladies had to go through that?
So, I had to get my records faxed, which took f.o.r.e.v.e.r.
Once that was done, they couldn't get me in for another few weeks... so I was going to be 14 weeks pregnant before I saw the doctor.
So, that made me uneasy, first of all.
The beginning of the pregnancy I felt HORRIBLE! Nauseous, tired, blah! I was so glad to have the Mr. to help with Little Man, because I just couldn't do anything! At 8 weeks, the symptoms stopped. I felt like something wasn't right, but I figured I was just getting over the initial sickness.
In April, I was almost 14 weeks pregnant and started spotting. It was really light, really brown, but it was there. I spotted before my first miscarriage, and never spotted while pregnant with Little Man. So I was scared! I went to the ER (in our tiny little town). I asked for an ultrasound, I was told they don't do one unless there is a chance of an ectopic pregnancy. I didn't even get in a hospital gown, they didn't take blood, they didn't take a urine sample... they found the heartbeat, did an internal exam, and sent me home. They said "take it easy," "everything is fine!" Okay...
The next day, I was cramping but not spotting anymore. The Mr. went on a week long business trip, so I packed up Little Man, my dog, and drove to my parents (3 hours away) to stay for the week. When I got to their house, I went to the bathroom and there was bright red blood!
I went directly to the ER.
It was a different world here! They put me in a hospital gown, hooked me up to an IV, got a urine sample, did an ultrasound... I was there a long time, but they did everything! When I saw the ultrasound, I told my mom (who was with me), something is wrong. The baby is too small.
I was right. I had miscarried. The baby was only measuring 9 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I was soooo mad! What the heck had the tiny town ER heard?! They told me THE DAY BEFORE they heard the heartbeat! And everything was fine! IT WASN'T!!
The Mr was out of town, so I called him, in tears. The nurses at the ER were really nice, and really understanding. They got me in with a doctor the next day to do a D&C... which was nice, since I wasn't a patient in that town.
My dad was with me when I got the news (mom went to their house to put Little Man to bed). I felt broken. I got to my parents and sat in the shower and cried until I couldn't get anything else out.
The next morning (early!) I went back to the hospital and got the D&C. The procedure itself was fast, easy, I don't remember any of it. They put me to sleep. The recovery was long... I think I bled for about 3/4 weeks afterwards. And it was a lot of bleeding.
We got a bill for our copay from the tiny town ER, and disputed it. I mean, they didn't do ANYTHING even after I asked for an ultrasound, they "found" a heartbeat, and they told me it was all okay. All wrong. They dismissed the bill.
After that the Mr. put in for a transfer, and we moved two months after that. To a bigger city!
I don't even think I can compare the 1st miscarriage I had to the 2nd, except to say, that this one really broke me.
Wow, I'm back!
I have been MIA for quite awhile now! And I have been through a lot! But I am going to try to keep up with this blog again! I really miss it! So here is what's been going on since last time I blogged:
Nice to be back! I've missed you girls!
- We moved! From Alabama back to North Carolina (where I am from!) We transferred with the Mr's job in April 2011.
- Little man had his 1st birthday September 23, 2011! It was a beach theme (since we now lived near the coast).
- We spent lots of time at the beach... it was only 1 hour away!
- Holidays were awesome, we got to see tons of family!
- After Little Man's birthday, I stopped breastfeeding, and we played the "what happens happens" card as far as trying for baby #2
- December 2011 I was real crampy and figured, maybe my period????
- Beginning of January 2012 I started my period! All on my own!! Whoa! Which meant that the cramps in Dec were me ovulating! Go body!
- February I had no clue if I ovulated or not... couldn't tell.
- End of Feb, we went to a fertility specialist to get the process started for #2
- SURPRISE I'm pregnant!
- March/April, I was super nauseous! A welcome sickness. It was amazing that I ovulated all on my own, and got pregnant all on my own!
- Mid April, spotting. Confirmed miscarriage... D&C... =( I was 14 weeks, baby measured 9 weeks
- May/June- moved again. (long story, I will do a post)
- June, started my period!
- July...
Nice to be back! I've missed you girls!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Birth Story!
Wow- I don't even know where to start!
First off, I'm sorry for being MIA, I really just had so much to say that I didn't say anything! I know that sounds crazy!
Okay, so here is a VERY condensed birth story of my little man:
I went in to the doctor for my 40 week appointment, on September 23. This was my due date. I was still only 1 cm dilated. I asked for an ultrasound to see if we could determine how big of a baby I was going to have (remember my dr recommended a c-section due to the size baby I was going to have). They determined he would be about 8 lbs 14 oz. These things can be a pound off either way... so at this point I said, I'm ready, let's do this! So we scheduled a c-section for noon the next day.
Fast forward to that night... the Mr. had to go to a meeting with work, I told him to go. My parents came into town that night and planned on staying until after little man was born. I started having contractions right after they got here at 4:00 p.m. I was in complete denial! When they were literally 5 minutes apart, I said "Mom what do I do?!" She said, "Get your stuff let's go!" It was about 6 p.m.
I think I was so convinced that I had a plan to have this baby the next day, there was no way I was in labor! haha
We got to the hospital, the Mr. met us there, and by this point my contractions where to the point where I couldn't talk, or hardly breathe through them. They were ALL in my back! Oh the pain! They hooked me up to everything, and checked me - I was still only 1 cm dilated! The nurse left to call my doctor to see what she wanted to do. I just remember almost crying to the Mr.... "Please don't let them send me home! I can't do this at home!"
The nurse came back and said, Okay you're having a baby! I had told them I was scheduled for a c-section the next day, so please just do it now. My doctor agreed, and so they were about to ship me off for a c-section.
- Time out right here.... all the way to this point I was almost convinced that I was going to be pregnant forever. Seriously. I just couldn't imagine anything else. -
My parents were debating if they had time to run and get dinner... so they asked how long it would take. The nurse said, "oh, you'll see him in about 20 minutes"
What tha?!
I couldn't believe it would be that short!
So, they wheeled me down the hall... the Mr. had to stop and put on scrubs while they took me into the room and gave me a spinal block. I was having contractions through all of this so it made it very hard to relax while they did this. I remember seeing lots of people in scrubs and they were all talking and laughing... like no big deal. And I was in my dinky little hospital gown that kept flapping open, and really, I didn't care. Not one bit. It's true what they say - you really don't care who is there and who sees you naked!
The block was a miracle, and worked so fast! I remember the Mr. sitting to my left with the camera, and he just kept snapping random pictures of us holding hands, self portriates of himself...
I kept telling him - this feels so wierd!
The doctor said, okay here is the head.... and the Mr. stood up to take some pictures.
Then I heard the most precious sound on the face of the earth.... a beautiful cry of my baby boy! I am in tears remembering it right now!
The Mr. would take some pictures, then run back and show them to me... at this point I couldn't see him yet.
The nurse moved the weight machine next to me so I could see him when they put him on it.
8lbs 7 oz. 20.5 inches long. Born at 9:01 pm on September 23 (his due date)
After this, things are kind of blurry. The Mr went with our little man to get cleaned up in the nursery... I went into the recovery room. And I just remember chilling there with the nurses. I asked for some ice, because I was so thirsty... and I have no clue how long I was in there. I remember my foot occasionally twitching, but I couldn't feel it. After who-knows-how-long I was wheeled into my room, and met my little man. Oh wow, what a feeling!
To sum up the next 3 days in the hospital -
I recovered fast from the c-section. The little man latched on and breastfed like a champ! I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed (because of PCOS) but I work! =) I had spinal headaches from the spinal block - they were KILLER, and lasted about 6 days. It helped to lay flat on my back.
I know this was fast - but I had to get out what I could in a short amount of time! I am sooo in love with our sweet baby! I can't believe it's already been 5 months! He is perfect!
First off, I'm sorry for being MIA, I really just had so much to say that I didn't say anything! I know that sounds crazy!
Okay, so here is a VERY condensed birth story of my little man:
I went in to the doctor for my 40 week appointment, on September 23. This was my due date. I was still only 1 cm dilated. I asked for an ultrasound to see if we could determine how big of a baby I was going to have (remember my dr recommended a c-section due to the size baby I was going to have). They determined he would be about 8 lbs 14 oz. These things can be a pound off either way... so at this point I said, I'm ready, let's do this! So we scheduled a c-section for noon the next day.
Fast forward to that night... the Mr. had to go to a meeting with work, I told him to go. My parents came into town that night and planned on staying until after little man was born. I started having contractions right after they got here at 4:00 p.m. I was in complete denial! When they were literally 5 minutes apart, I said "Mom what do I do?!" She said, "Get your stuff let's go!" It was about 6 p.m.
I think I was so convinced that I had a plan to have this baby the next day, there was no way I was in labor! haha
We got to the hospital, the Mr. met us there, and by this point my contractions where to the point where I couldn't talk, or hardly breathe through them. They were ALL in my back! Oh the pain! They hooked me up to everything, and checked me - I was still only 1 cm dilated! The nurse left to call my doctor to see what she wanted to do. I just remember almost crying to the Mr.... "Please don't let them send me home! I can't do this at home!"
The nurse came back and said, Okay you're having a baby! I had told them I was scheduled for a c-section the next day, so please just do it now. My doctor agreed, and so they were about to ship me off for a c-section.
- Time out right here.... all the way to this point I was almost convinced that I was going to be pregnant forever. Seriously. I just couldn't imagine anything else. -
My parents were debating if they had time to run and get dinner... so they asked how long it would take. The nurse said, "oh, you'll see him in about 20 minutes"
What tha?!
I couldn't believe it would be that short!
So, they wheeled me down the hall... the Mr. had to stop and put on scrubs while they took me into the room and gave me a spinal block. I was having contractions through all of this so it made it very hard to relax while they did this. I remember seeing lots of people in scrubs and they were all talking and laughing... like no big deal. And I was in my dinky little hospital gown that kept flapping open, and really, I didn't care. Not one bit. It's true what they say - you really don't care who is there and who sees you naked!
The block was a miracle, and worked so fast! I remember the Mr. sitting to my left with the camera, and he just kept snapping random pictures of us holding hands, self portriates of himself...
I kept telling him - this feels so wierd!
The doctor said, okay here is the head.... and the Mr. stood up to take some pictures.
Then I heard the most precious sound on the face of the earth.... a beautiful cry of my baby boy! I am in tears remembering it right now!
The Mr. would take some pictures, then run back and show them to me... at this point I couldn't see him yet.
The nurse moved the weight machine next to me so I could see him when they put him on it.
8lbs 7 oz. 20.5 inches long. Born at 9:01 pm on September 23 (his due date)
After this, things are kind of blurry. The Mr went with our little man to get cleaned up in the nursery... I went into the recovery room. And I just remember chilling there with the nurses. I asked for some ice, because I was so thirsty... and I have no clue how long I was in there. I remember my foot occasionally twitching, but I couldn't feel it. After who-knows-how-long I was wheeled into my room, and met my little man. Oh wow, what a feeling!
To sum up the next 3 days in the hospital -
I recovered fast from the c-section. The little man latched on and breastfed like a champ! I was so nervous that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed (because of PCOS) but I work! =) I had spinal headaches from the spinal block - they were KILLER, and lasted about 6 days. It helped to lay flat on my back.
I know this was fast - but I had to get out what I could in a short amount of time! I am sooo in love with our sweet baby! I can't believe it's already been 5 months! He is perfect!
Monday, February 28, 2011
I'm here!
I am so sorry I dropped off the planet! I am here and have a beautiful, perfect, 5 month old baby boy! Actually after that last post I went into labor and had him at 9:01 that night!
I will have to update later! Can't wait to catch up on you girls!!
I will have to update later! Can't wait to catch up on you girls!!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Come on baby!
Thank you all for your comments on my last post! The Mr and I talked about everything and decided to go with the induction date of the 27th. We really wanted to wait until at least after the due date. Also, she hasn't don't an ultrasound on me since 20 weeks, so I'm not sure how accurate she is guessing the size. And I am really not worried about a c-section... of course, I would rather him come on his own naturally, but I am not opposed to a c-section if he in fact is too big. My biggest worry is being in labor ALL day and THEN them doing a c-section - where I would be exhausted. But - whatever happens, happens right :)
I am SO ready! The Mr and I have been doing everything!
- spicy tai food
- long walks
- sex
- fresh pineapple
- did I mention walks?!
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling very nauseous, which I've heard is a sign. That your body is "clearing out" preparing for labor. But it didn't last long. We went to church like normal, but I was having some contractions, about 30 min apart. By the time we got home, they had pretty much gone. I ended up taking a TWO hour nap! Then we went on a long walk. After my shower I was having contractions every 10 min or so... but then they got further and further apart. Once I went to bed I would wake up with contractions. Although they weren't consistant. I got up around 3 and got some water and my heating bag and they were gone.
I keep praying that I will know what to do when I am supposed to! I am just ready! It is so hard to breath right now! haha
And I do get a little annoyed when I show up at work and everyone says, "You're still here?!"
Um, yes, yes I am.
I am SO ready! The Mr and I have been doing everything!
- spicy tai food
- long walks
- sex
- fresh pineapple
- did I mention walks?!
Yesterday morning I woke up feeling very nauseous, which I've heard is a sign. That your body is "clearing out" preparing for labor. But it didn't last long. We went to church like normal, but I was having some contractions, about 30 min apart. By the time we got home, they had pretty much gone. I ended up taking a TWO hour nap! Then we went on a long walk. After my shower I was having contractions every 10 min or so... but then they got further and further apart. Once I went to bed I would wake up with contractions. Although they weren't consistant. I got up around 3 and got some water and my heating bag and they were gone.
I keep praying that I will know what to do when I am supposed to! I am just ready! It is so hard to breath right now! haha
And I do get a little annoyed when I show up at work and everyone says, "You're still here?!"
Um, yes, yes I am.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
39 week appt
So, I am a bit discouraged. I went into my appointment this morning and am still at 1.5 cm dilated, and am now 80% effaced. The dr said that he was really low - which I can tell! I mean I feel like I pulled a groin muscle and I'm pretty sure I could start waddling if I wanted to!
She said she felt like he was a big baby - like he was probably 8 - 8.5 lbs right now. I am 5'1" and, before I got pregnant, weighted 110... so I'm not a big person. She is worried that the baby will be too big for me to push out. She wants to induce.
Now, the Mr. and I have talked about this and both agreed that we do not want to induce if there wasn't a medical reason. When I voiced this to the dr she said, in her opinion, that is a medical reason. She said I am at about a 20 - 40% chance of having a c-section anyway because of his size.
I have heard that they aren't that accurate in guessing the weight of the baby, but she could be right. In a perfect world I would like to go into labor naturally and then go to the hospital and decide from there if I want drugs or not. In the real world, I am okay with natural or a c-section... however God wants me to deliver this sweet boy is fine by me.
I guess my discouragement comes with, now I have to decide when I want to have him. My options were... the 22nd, or the 27th. The 27th would be after my due date (the 23rd), so we will probably do that...
but at the same time, it is so tempting to just do it on the 22nd. I am starting to swell and am very uncomfortable, so seeing that end in sight is VERY tempting. Although I don't think I could convince the Mr. :)
I need help! I guess I just hang tight until the 27th. He may very well come between now and then. It was a bummer that I hadn't progressed any though.
What do you ladies think??
She said she felt like he was a big baby - like he was probably 8 - 8.5 lbs right now. I am 5'1" and, before I got pregnant, weighted 110... so I'm not a big person. She is worried that the baby will be too big for me to push out. She wants to induce.
Now, the Mr. and I have talked about this and both agreed that we do not want to induce if there wasn't a medical reason. When I voiced this to the dr she said, in her opinion, that is a medical reason. She said I am at about a 20 - 40% chance of having a c-section anyway because of his size.
I have heard that they aren't that accurate in guessing the weight of the baby, but she could be right. In a perfect world I would like to go into labor naturally and then go to the hospital and decide from there if I want drugs or not. In the real world, I am okay with natural or a c-section... however God wants me to deliver this sweet boy is fine by me.
I guess my discouragement comes with, now I have to decide when I want to have him. My options were... the 22nd, or the 27th. The 27th would be after my due date (the 23rd), so we will probably do that...
but at the same time, it is so tempting to just do it on the 22nd. I am starting to swell and am very uncomfortable, so seeing that end in sight is VERY tempting. Although I don't think I could convince the Mr. :)
I need help! I guess I just hang tight until the 27th. He may very well come between now and then. It was a bummer that I hadn't progressed any though.
What do you ladies think??
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I'm still here
I have been a bad blogger... I've just been busy, and honestly don't have much to update.
I will be 39 weeks tomorrow! At my last appointment (a week ago) I was 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced. She said he was head down and "really low", so that's good! She said it was very unlikely he'll be turning.
I am soo ready! It is getting pretty uncomfortable. My back is hurting and my feet don't go down - they are so puffy! haha
We have the nursery ready, just waiting on baby! The Mr. and I both agreed that I am not going to be induced if there isn't a medical reason for it (and no not just because I'm uncomfortable!). So... we'll see when our little man decides to make his appearance! We are soo excited!
My parents plan on hitting the road and heading our way as soon as they get the call that I'm in labor. They will probably stay around 10 days or so. I think that will be perfect, then the Mr. and I will be able to slowly adjust to being parents!
I am not really having any major "symptoms" of labor. I do feel a contraction every now and then... but they really aren't worth mentioning. At night when I am tossing around my back hurts and I get some cramping, but during the day - nothing.
I go in for my appointment in the morning, so hopefully she can give me some idea of what's going on in there! :)
I will be 39 weeks tomorrow! At my last appointment (a week ago) I was 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced. She said he was head down and "really low", so that's good! She said it was very unlikely he'll be turning.
I am soo ready! It is getting pretty uncomfortable. My back is hurting and my feet don't go down - they are so puffy! haha
We have the nursery ready, just waiting on baby! The Mr. and I both agreed that I am not going to be induced if there isn't a medical reason for it (and no not just because I'm uncomfortable!). So... we'll see when our little man decides to make his appearance! We are soo excited!
My parents plan on hitting the road and heading our way as soon as they get the call that I'm in labor. They will probably stay around 10 days or so. I think that will be perfect, then the Mr. and I will be able to slowly adjust to being parents!
I am not really having any major "symptoms" of labor. I do feel a contraction every now and then... but they really aren't worth mentioning. At night when I am tossing around my back hurts and I get some cramping, but during the day - nothing.
I go in for my appointment in the morning, so hopefully she can give me some idea of what's going on in there! :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Not even close...
This sweet boy of mine has no intention of coming soon!
I went in for my 36 week appointment today (a few days early) and she checked me - nope, nada, no progression. But she did say, "I tried to poke my finger through there and could barely get through". Um... ouch! Yeah it hurt, pretty darn bad.
I am not sad that I wasn't dialated, but I was kinda hoping that I was starting to. I really feel like he is going to come early rather than late. But what do I know? I go back in a week, so we shall see if anything has changed.
I do know one thing - I am TIRED! It is so hard to get comfortable!
Oh but it's so worth it :)
I went in for my 36 week appointment today (a few days early) and she checked me - nope, nada, no progression. But she did say, "I tried to poke my finger through there and could barely get through". Um... ouch! Yeah it hurt, pretty darn bad.
I am not sad that I wasn't dialated, but I was kinda hoping that I was starting to. I really feel like he is going to come early rather than late. But what do I know? I go back in a week, so we shall see if anything has changed.
I do know one thing - I am TIRED! It is so hard to get comfortable!
Oh but it's so worth it :)
Thursday, August 19, 2010
35/35
Wow, 35 weeks pregnant and 35 days to go! Now that I am heading towards the end, it feels like it is flying by! I am still feeling good though! I am just really uncomfortable sleeping, but I'll take it!
The nursery is coming together! I got my lanterns in the mail yesterday. I don't know if I mentioned it, but over the crib I am going to hang paper lanterns instead of a mobile. I am SO excited to get them up! I also got a personalized alphabet print with his name on it. And it is adorable!
I am trying to figure out what to put on the wall above the crib.... I was thinking about one of those wall decal things. But I'm not sure...
On Sunday our church is throwing me a baby shower! I am really excited about it. It will be a joint one with another girl from class (she is having a girl, due the week after me), so that will make it fun!
I can't believe this is really happening! The Mr. just got our car seat installed! Wow!
The nursery is coming together! I got my lanterns in the mail yesterday. I don't know if I mentioned it, but over the crib I am going to hang paper lanterns instead of a mobile. I am SO excited to get them up! I also got a personalized alphabet print with his name on it. And it is adorable!
I am trying to figure out what to put on the wall above the crib.... I was thinking about one of those wall decal things. But I'm not sure...
On Sunday our church is throwing me a baby shower! I am really excited about it. It will be a joint one with another girl from class (she is having a girl, due the week after me), so that will make it fun!
I can't believe this is really happening! The Mr. just got our car seat installed! Wow!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Today...
is my birthday! I'm 28. It's funny how when you are younger you count down until your birthday. Even at 21 and 22... guess it's because we always did a big party, or went downtown to the bars... But as I have gotten older it sneaks up on me :)
The Mr. made me feel really special this morning. Before work he had all my gifts on our dining room table to open before we both left for the day. I had to take my wedding rings off a couple days ago (I was getting scared that my hands were swelling!) So he got me a band, it was really sweet. Granted it was from Walmart! haha That's what I told him I wanted though! Love him! He also got me a Marines shirt.... my brother graduates bootcamp next Friday! Woot!
I feel so incredibly blessed and look forward to what this next year has to offer!
The Mr. made me feel really special this morning. Before work he had all my gifts on our dining room table to open before we both left for the day. I had to take my wedding rings off a couple days ago (I was getting scared that my hands were swelling!) So he got me a band, it was really sweet. Granted it was from Walmart! haha That's what I told him I wanted though! Love him! He also got me a Marines shirt.... my brother graduates bootcamp next Friday! Woot!
I feel so incredibly blessed and look forward to what this next year has to offer!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The other side.
Well after my last post... I broke down. But I'm better now :) I guess everyone just needs a good cry.
Yesterday I had lunch with my girlfriend that lost her baby a few weeks ago (she was around 7 weeks). It is really awkward for me to be on this side of things. I really feel like I am a sensitive person to infertility and miscarriages, since I've been through them both, but at the same time I feel almost fake because I am pregnant now.
We had a really good conversation. She opened up about how she is still having a hard time (understandable!) She is a strong Christain, and it is always good to hear her talking about things because she has such a way with words. It hurt to see her so sad.
I still feel like I am infertile. I still get hurt feelings when I see people posting on fb alll about their pregnancy. I get so excited when I read that an infertile is pregnant. I think those feelings will always be with me. Talking with my friend yesterday, she mentioned how she hasn't told everyone about it. I had been going through infertility treatments for about a year when I had my miscarriage and about a month after that I opened up and let the world know. I was just so tired of keeping it all in. I felt that I needed more prayers, and that I needed people to at least try to understand.
I hoped that no one would treat me any differently (which they did - like questioning whether to invite me to their kids bdays...) but I also hoped that if anyone else out there was going through it they didn't feel alone. Yesterday my friend told me that it had helped her. That she thought of us a lot. And that by itself made me glad I "outed" myself.
I think I am still in shock each day of this pregnancy that God has blessed us. In the back of my mind I also worry (I've made it this far.....). I am so very thankful. And I (and probably always will) pray for those that are still struggling, and that have had miscarriages.
Yesterday I had lunch with my girlfriend that lost her baby a few weeks ago (she was around 7 weeks). It is really awkward for me to be on this side of things. I really feel like I am a sensitive person to infertility and miscarriages, since I've been through them both, but at the same time I feel almost fake because I am pregnant now.
We had a really good conversation. She opened up about how she is still having a hard time (understandable!) She is a strong Christain, and it is always good to hear her talking about things because she has such a way with words. It hurt to see her so sad.
I still feel like I am infertile. I still get hurt feelings when I see people posting on fb alll about their pregnancy. I get so excited when I read that an infertile is pregnant. I think those feelings will always be with me. Talking with my friend yesterday, she mentioned how she hasn't told everyone about it. I had been going through infertility treatments for about a year when I had my miscarriage and about a month after that I opened up and let the world know. I was just so tired of keeping it all in. I felt that I needed more prayers, and that I needed people to at least try to understand.
I hoped that no one would treat me any differently (which they did - like questioning whether to invite me to their kids bdays...) but I also hoped that if anyone else out there was going through it they didn't feel alone. Yesterday my friend told me that it had helped her. That she thought of us a lot. And that by itself made me glad I "outed" myself.
I think I am still in shock each day of this pregnancy that God has blessed us. In the back of my mind I also worry (I've made it this far.....). I am so very thankful. And I (and probably always will) pray for those that are still struggling, and that have had miscarriages.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Emotional
I am not really an "emotional" person. I mean, yes I cry at sad/sappy movies, but overall I think of myself as being pretty tough. I am not snugly or do I feel that I am needy, and I definitely don't cry in front of people often.
However...
I have my days... and today is one of them. I woke up this morning and was fine. Happy, played with the dog, goofed off with the Mr. just had a nice morning. Then it hit me... I am not going to see my mom until I have this baby! She isn't here to help with the nursery, or help me pick out cute hospital pajamas, or arrange everything, or oooh and ahhh over how cute these tiny clothes are.... it really made me sad.
My parents live 8 hours away... Long story short, the Mr. and I upped and moved down here to Alabama, just because. That's right folks, no job, no family, no friends, just the two of us. We definitely made the right choice. Our faith has grown unbelievably and we have great jobs and wonderful friends now. But we still don't have our families. After we started trying for a baby we decided that we needed to move back. We have 12 nieces and nephews, grandparents, parents, and siblings that we just want (and NEED) to be closer to. When we found out we were expecting we decided to put off moving until after we had the baby.
I PRAY that God opens doors for us fast. I know it is insane to think of moving with a newborn, but I don't care. I can do it!
My mom had plans to come here in a few weeks... but my brother is graduating from bootcamp that weekend, which she is going to instead (understandably!). And I WANT TO GO! But I'll be 36 weeks, and it is about 9 hours away.
I'm just sad. and homesick.
However...
I have my days... and today is one of them. I woke up this morning and was fine. Happy, played with the dog, goofed off with the Mr. just had a nice morning. Then it hit me... I am not going to see my mom until I have this baby! She isn't here to help with the nursery, or help me pick out cute hospital pajamas, or arrange everything, or oooh and ahhh over how cute these tiny clothes are.... it really made me sad.
My parents live 8 hours away... Long story short, the Mr. and I upped and moved down here to Alabama, just because. That's right folks, no job, no family, no friends, just the two of us. We definitely made the right choice. Our faith has grown unbelievably and we have great jobs and wonderful friends now. But we still don't have our families. After we started trying for a baby we decided that we needed to move back. We have 12 nieces and nephews, grandparents, parents, and siblings that we just want (and NEED) to be closer to. When we found out we were expecting we decided to put off moving until after we had the baby.
I PRAY that God opens doors for us fast. I know it is insane to think of moving with a newborn, but I don't care. I can do it!
My mom had plans to come here in a few weeks... but my brother is graduating from bootcamp that weekend, which she is going to instead (understandably!). And I WANT TO GO! But I'll be 36 weeks, and it is about 9 hours away.
I'm just sad. and homesick.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Question...
So.... the Mr. and I went to dinner last night and got into a .... let's call it a heated discussion :)
When we first started trying for a baby, we agreed that once I had the baby I wouldn't work. We are still both in agreement about it. The "discussion" was about if I would go back to work and then give my two week notice, or if I would just call on my maternity leave and say I'm not returning. See... I will get Short Term Disability - so if I went back to work for a week or two it would pretty much guarentee that I wouldn't have to pay this back. I have NO clue if I would have to pay it back if I don't go back...
Anyone know???
It isn't like I can ask my boss this question! I have been with the company for over 4 years, but legally I have no clue how to find this out without asking someone. So, if anyone knows the answer or can give a suggestion I would appreciate it!!
Thanks!
When we first started trying for a baby, we agreed that once I had the baby I wouldn't work. We are still both in agreement about it. The "discussion" was about if I would go back to work and then give my two week notice, or if I would just call on my maternity leave and say I'm not returning. See... I will get Short Term Disability - so if I went back to work for a week or two it would pretty much guarentee that I wouldn't have to pay this back. I have NO clue if I would have to pay it back if I don't go back...
Anyone know???
It isn't like I can ask my boss this question! I have been with the company for over 4 years, but legally I have no clue how to find this out without asking someone. So, if anyone knows the answer or can give a suggestion I would appreciate it!!
Thanks!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Weekend and detergent
1. The weekend -
it was wonderful!! My family threw the nicest shower for us! We got tons of great stuff! It was so nice to see everyone and such a blessing that they love us and our little one so much :) I am very thankful for all that was done! We got some of our big items... play yard, highchair, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, and of course we got clothes, books, toys...
It was just perfect!
2 Detergent
so... I know a lot of people use Dreft for their newborns. I think I am going to go with Tide Free (no dyes, smells, etc.) The main reason is because the Mr. has really sensitive skin. Our neighbor gave us some off brand detergent and the Mr. broke out in blotches and I had to rush him to the hospital because of a severe allergic reaction! So... I am NEVER changing from Tide for his clothes again! Lesson learned!
Does anyone have any suggestions or anything about detergent? From what I can find it looks like there isn't much of a difference.
Thanks!
it was wonderful!! My family threw the nicest shower for us! We got tons of great stuff! It was so nice to see everyone and such a blessing that they love us and our little one so much :) I am very thankful for all that was done! We got some of our big items... play yard, highchair, cloth diapers, disposable diapers, and of course we got clothes, books, toys...
It was just perfect!
2 Detergent
so... I know a lot of people use Dreft for their newborns. I think I am going to go with Tide Free (no dyes, smells, etc.) The main reason is because the Mr. has really sensitive skin. Our neighbor gave us some off brand detergent and the Mr. broke out in blotches and I had to rush him to the hospital because of a severe allergic reaction! So... I am NEVER changing from Tide for his clothes again! Lesson learned!
Does anyone have any suggestions or anything about detergent? From what I can find it looks like there isn't much of a difference.
Thanks!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Nosey
We are going back "home" (where I'm from, still home to me!) this weekend! I am soooooo excited!! My family is throwing a baby shower for us! So... I discovered that if I get on my registry I can see what people have bought! I know, some of you probably discovered this from your wedding shower registry... I may be a little slow. But YAY! I am so excited about some of the things that have been bought! ;)
I haven't seen most of my family since January - at my brothers wedding. We were pregnant then, but only like 5 weeks... and we weren't about to take the spotlight at the wedding. So my family didn't find out weeks later when we were already gone. So, none of them have really seen me pregnant! They've seen pictures, but not the belly in person. Oh are they in for a treat! Our baby boy is definitely making himself known!
I really really REALLY miss being close to my family! We are about 8 hours away. Hopefully by the first of the year, the Mr. can get a transfer closer... at least to where we would be 4 hours or less away.
So... am I the only one that peeked at their registry???
I haven't seen most of my family since January - at my brothers wedding. We were pregnant then, but only like 5 weeks... and we weren't about to take the spotlight at the wedding. So my family didn't find out weeks later when we were already gone. So, none of them have really seen me pregnant! They've seen pictures, but not the belly in person. Oh are they in for a treat! Our baby boy is definitely making himself known!
I really really REALLY miss being close to my family! We are about 8 hours away. Hopefully by the first of the year, the Mr. can get a transfer closer... at least to where we would be 4 hours or less away.
So... am I the only one that peeked at their registry???
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Article
My mother-in-law emailed me about an article she had read in Glamour magazine. It was about how pcos and endometriosis can go undetected for such a long period of time. Here is the article about PCOS and Endometriosis, it is so true!
In my case... I started having HORRIBLE period cramps when I was about 14 or so. I am talking doubled over, crying on the floor pain. My mom said my face would turn white as a ghost. I also wasn't having regular periods. When I was in the 8th grade I was on the track team. I went about 6 months without a period. Everyone (doctor, mom and I) figured it was because of all the activity I was putting my body through. When I finally did get a period, it was hell. Finally my mom took me to a GYN, I was 16. The doctor figured it was endometriosis. She said the only way to get rid of it was surgery, and since I was so young she didn't want me to go through that. So... she prescribed me birth control pills and that was that.
I stayed on the pills alll the way up until the Mr. and I decided to try for a baby. I was 26. For 10 years I was on those pills - and they worked. I was having "normal" monthly periods. They were still painful, but I could deal with it.
It was such a big deal for me to stop taking those pills! I mean for 10 years that is what I used! Once I stopped the pills... no period. 3 months later... still no period. Once I finally got to a RE doctor and they did an ultrasound, it was VERY obvious that I had PCOS. I am not a "normal" case for it: I am not overweight, do not have excess hair, my hair isn't falling out... none of the classic signs.
But still - it is a shame that it takes so long to figure out what is going on with someone! Now that I know more about symptoms I make sure to encourage other women to look into it if they are having them. Both of these can become really bad if they go untreated.
I'll stop my background now =) Just wanted to get the article out there.
In my case... I started having HORRIBLE period cramps when I was about 14 or so. I am talking doubled over, crying on the floor pain. My mom said my face would turn white as a ghost. I also wasn't having regular periods. When I was in the 8th grade I was on the track team. I went about 6 months without a period. Everyone (doctor, mom and I) figured it was because of all the activity I was putting my body through. When I finally did get a period, it was hell. Finally my mom took me to a GYN, I was 16. The doctor figured it was endometriosis. She said the only way to get rid of it was surgery, and since I was so young she didn't want me to go through that. So... she prescribed me birth control pills and that was that.
I stayed on the pills alll the way up until the Mr. and I decided to try for a baby. I was 26. For 10 years I was on those pills - and they worked. I was having "normal" monthly periods. They were still painful, but I could deal with it.
It was such a big deal for me to stop taking those pills! I mean for 10 years that is what I used! Once I stopped the pills... no period. 3 months later... still no period. Once I finally got to a RE doctor and they did an ultrasound, it was VERY obvious that I had PCOS. I am not a "normal" case for it: I am not overweight, do not have excess hair, my hair isn't falling out... none of the classic signs.
But still - it is a shame that it takes so long to figure out what is going on with someone! Now that I know more about symptoms I make sure to encourage other women to look into it if they are having them. Both of these can become really bad if they go untreated.
I'll stop my background now =) Just wanted to get the article out there.
My friend.
I have a friend who told me she was pregnant a couple weeks ago... she went in yesterday for her 8 week appointment and they couldn't find the heart beat. She miscarried. I am sooo sad for her and her husband. And, coincidentally it is almost a year to the day of when the Mr. and I had our miscarriage.
Both her and her husband are so strong in their faith, I know they will get through this - but having been there... it is so hard. I am just so sad for them.
Both her and her husband are so strong in their faith, I know they will get through this - but having been there... it is so hard. I am just so sad for them.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Baby Shower!
We had a surprise baby shower! It was so sweet! Where the Mr. works, he has a lot of volunteers - and they all got together and threw us a shower! They told him that it was a picnic and that I have to come with him because it was a "family thing". So off we went. When we arrived there was the sweetest cake (complete with the baby's name, a bottle, a onesie, baby booties, and a rattle! can you say talented?!) and a diaper cake! (we haven't mentioned to everyone we are cloth diapering since I was still trying to figure out which diaper to use.) We got tons of diapers - which I'm sure we will end up using! It was so much fun!
Oh and the cutest part?
We got a pack of 5 onesies...
The Mr. said "oh good we really need onesies!" (he's heard me say this I'm sure)
One of the guys there said, "Mr. what age does the baby have to be to wear a onesie?" (testing him)
The Mr. "two years old"
People laughed, I looked at the Mr. and giggled and kind of shoved him. What a nut.
Well later that night when we got home, the Mr. asked me the same question. He really thought they had to be two years old! How cute is he?!
Turns out our onesies fit sizes 0-3 months. :)
It was such a sweet gesture that they even thought to give us anything, much less throw us a complete baby shower!! I was blown away. What a blessing to have such wonderful people around us!
Now I need to get some cute thank you cards!
Oh and the cutest part?
We got a pack of 5 onesies...
The Mr. said "oh good we really need onesies!" (he's heard me say this I'm sure)
One of the guys there said, "Mr. what age does the baby have to be to wear a onesie?" (testing him)
The Mr. "two years old"
People laughed, I looked at the Mr. and giggled and kind of shoved him. What a nut.
Well later that night when we got home, the Mr. asked me the same question. He really thought they had to be two years old! How cute is he?!
Turns out our onesies fit sizes 0-3 months. :)
It was such a sweet gesture that they even thought to give us anything, much less throw us a complete baby shower!! I was blown away. What a blessing to have such wonderful people around us!
Now I need to get some cute thank you cards!
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