IUI - Done!

Well I'm all done with the IUI. Like I mentioned in the previous post, I started getting some cramps on my left side. I met the Mr. for lunch and had some soup, afterwards I felt so full/crampy and uncomfortable. By the time I got to the doctor I was VERY uncomfortable... I tribute it to the fact that I had to pee sooooo bad! (they said come with a full bladder, and boy did I!!)

The procedure itself was pretty uneventful, like many of you said it would be. I asked the nurse how the Mr. did and she said, "well I'll tell you, but you can't tell him! If you do his head will be so big he won't be able to walk through the door!!" She said his count was 230 million! She said they had to dilute it some because they couldn't insert that much!

Afterwards when I got home, I have been experiencing pretty sharp cramps, mainly on my left side. Is this normal?? I googled and it looks like it is... I am just hoping that nothing is wrong.

Happy New Year!!

New Years Eve

Wow, 2009 is coming to a close! I just knew in January 2009 that this would be my year... even if I didn't bring home a sweet baby, I would at least be pregnant. Now, on the last day of the year I am once again hopeful that 2010 will be it. It will be my year.

As we speak, the Mr. is at the doctor giving his "specimen". I am beyond ready for this! I go in at 1:15 today. Last night I had some cramping on my left side (the side that had the two 18 mm follies). Hopefully that means I am about to ovulate.

I pray that our desire is God's will. I just realized that when I have to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks, it will be the day that I am leaving to go to my brothers wedding! Which I'm in. So, this will either be a happy/nervous time, or I will be trying to be happy while grabbing the wine :) Either way, I know that God is in control of the situation.

Hope everyone has a happy, safe New Year's!!

Ready!

I had my appointment this morning. I had two 18 mm follicles on the left side, and then a 12 and a 13... so I'm ready :) The nurse called this afternoon and said that I need to do the Ovidrel shot tomorrow morning. On Thursday the Mr. goes in at 8:45, then I go in that afternoon at 1:15 for the IUI.

I am sooo excited! I know this isn't a guarantee, but it is just exciting to be doing something different!

On another note... I am getting sick. Sucks. I am never sick! I am trying to drink tons of water to knock it out!

I pray soo hard that this is IT!

I'm back!

Well we just got back from visiting the family for Christmas. It was GREAT! Sooooo nice to see the family! We had a great time! Now it's back to the "real world"!

I started my injections on Monday. That was a little strange. Bringing all the needles and syringes and all the other stuff I needed to do them! Not to mention we were staying with my sister-in-law and her 14 year old girl and 6 year old boy! I just prayed everytime that one of them wouldn't start banging on the door and scare me!

They are going well. I go back to the doctor on Tuesday. My prayer is that I am ready to trigger and we can do the IUI on Thursday! AND that it will work!! :)

Can't wait to go check in on you guys and see what I missed!

Starting another cycle...

Well, I thought I would have to take a break.... but I don't! I mean, I guess the past 2 weeks and the next 1 week will be a pretty good "break" but I am very excited to have another plan ready! (If you've been reading awhile, you know I like PLANS!)

So, the nurse called. She first asked if I will be able to do injections while I'm out of town. Um... yes. If you told me to stand on my head and clap my hands, I would make that work too!
I am to start the injections on Monday night. 75 IU of Menopur (same as I have previously done). I go back to the doctor on Tuesday the 29th. So that gives me 8 days of the injections. Which hopefully will be enough! I have had one cycle that it took 12 days. We shall see!

This is an IUI cycle! My first (and hopefully last!) IUI. I know that many of you have been through this before. I don't know what to expect. The nurse said that if everything were a "go" that Tuesday, then I would trigger Tuesday night, then Thursday morning we would start the process. What has your experience been like? I am not one for believing the ole wives tales (like eating pineapple during the 2ww) but I am up for anything at this point! And with being around family, it will for sure take my mind of the injections!

Prayer and petition

I am still trying to snap out of my funk, but at least everything isn't making me cry now! It is so hard not to be mad at those fertile people.

I have been on my knees numerous times this week. I have been pouring out to God. I have mentioned it here before but I always go back to the verse: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." (Philippians 4:6) Yesterday I came across this verse (I bolded what spoke to me): "During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission." (Hebrews 5:7) Even Jesus went through trials. Even Jesus was on his knees crying and pleading with God.

Sunday night was probably the worst I've been. I am not a crier, and I was balling. I felt helpless and drained. My husband was so great. He bought me some wine on his way home and just let me be. Like some of you have said... we get in these slumps and slowly make our way back to the world. I am almost there.

I had my appointment this morning. I was hoping that God would give me a miracle and my body would suddenly start ovulating on it's own. Nope. Not this time. Like always, I have many "pearls" of cysts in my ovaries. But at least it looked normal (well, normal for me anyway!) The doctor came in and said that it looked like we could get started...

BUT the Mr. is going out of town tomorrow and I will be leaving on Friday. The doctor asked when we'd be back... I said the 27th. He said, well maybe not start tonight, but maybe start later. That was something I hadn't thought of! If I take all my meds with me, I could start while I am on Christmas vacation - then go in to the doctor when I got back and hopefully could trigger! I am waiting for them to call me back and let me know what the plan is! It will be hard (we are staying with the Mr's sister) but it can be done!

I am hopeful!
I just pray pray pray that an IUI does it for us! If nothing else, IF does show you how strong you can be...

More venting...

Right after I posted the last post I got on facebook. A friend from church is pregnant.
I was shocked! I shouldn't be... her plans have worked out E.X.A.C.T.L.Y. how she wanted them to. Then I checked my email... she had emailed me.
She said she understood how we were trying (she knew our situation), blah, blah, blah. And then she said, and I quote, "we had been trying for several months. It seemed like everyone else around us was getting pregnant. So I kinda know how you feel."

How would this make any of you feel????
No way does she even come close to knowing how I feel! But I know she is so excited, and I shouldn't let my jealously take over my feelings. I can't help it. I feel SO sad! I have cried all the tears I have. I just don't understand how for some people EVERY plan they have comes true. And yet for others it takes fighting for everything. At least sometimes it feels that way.

I'm sorry this is such a downer day for me. I am sure I will snap out of it.
Thanks ladies for your prayers and kind words! I know that everyone has "down" days. I just can't wait to see what God has planned!

Signs

It is only noon, and already this is a tough day for me. I always refer to infertility as being on a rollercoaster - well, I am at the bottom of the hill right now.

First off... I am a big "sign" person. I feel that God uses signs (as well as other people) to communicate to us. A lot of the time I don't realize that I even got a sign until afterwards and I look back and can see - ooh so that's what God was trying to tell me.

So, when I am praying about a child, I deep down hope that God will give me a sign (an obvious one!) just to show me that everything will work out. That I will get pregnant with a healthy baby. That I deserve it. That it will happen. So far, I haven't gotten this. -BUT on the flip side, I haven't gotten a sign that it won't happen.

Today in church we had a wonderful service! Our choir sang some Christmas songs that really touched me. One of the songs was a solo, O Holy Night. On the screen there were pictures of a baby (Jesus) in the manger. There were close ups of the sweet baby toes, and sweet baby hands... I fought back tears. Then the preacher started his sermon. Among other things, he said that in a way God adopted us. We are His children. This was a segway for the preacher to start talking about a couple in church (we will call her A and him B) that adopted a baby girl from China a few months ago. I know them, so I know their story (basically couldn't get pregnant, felt led to adopt, 6 years later brought home this sweet baby girl). A is a singer, so she got up to sing and on the screen were shots of them traveling to China and bringing home their sweet baby.

I lost it. Right there in church. Was God trying to tell me to adopt??? In my Sunday school class we were talking about how to listen to God. So when I got home (the Mr. had to go to a work meeting, so I am by myself) I got on my knees and just prayed. And then I just sat and listened. I felt like I was supposed to look at Psalms 116. The beginning, "I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy." And then later "Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you."

It made me feel better. I still feel like I don't have an answer. But sometimes our answer is WAIT. In the meantime I am trying to really be open to what God wants me to do. I honestly haven't let myself consider adoption yet.

Thanks for letting me ramble- it helps to put thoughts out in writing.

I'm still here

I have been MIA on this blog! I just haven't had much to say I guess. I had a "why me?!" moment this past weekend. You know the one.... why is this happening to me? what did I do? why is it sooo easy for everyone else? when will it be my turn?

I hate when I get in those moods.

So, I go back to the RE next Tuesday. Part of me wonders if [hopes!] my body will suddenly wake up and start a cycle on it's own. Hey - why not? How awesome would that be if I took this month off (from the med cycle) and bam I get pregnant on my own?!

My mom is so funny - I was talking to her the other day. The Mr and I are going on a vacation with my parents in March. We are going down to the Caribbean (where the Mr. and I used to live). So, my mom was saying - wouldn't that be awesome if you came back and had a "souvenir" from the islands?! I actually would really like to be pregnant before then, but we'll see. It would be a neat story :)

Foolish.

So I am in better spirits :) Thanks ladies for your comments. I can't say enough how awesome it is to have so much support/advice/comfort/etc. from people I have never met! I was telling the Mr. how great it is to get on this blog and pour out my heart and what I am feeling (or not feeling), or symptoms, or questions and have so many people know EXACTLY what I mean!

I read a daily devotional by Beth Moore every day... the other day one of them said something along the lines of, "Why do we feel the need to pray so safely? Who are we trying to keep from looking foolish? Us or Him?"

Very interesting. It really got me thinking. I DO pray "safely" but what I overlook is that God is in the miracle making business! He can do it! He has done things that can't be explained! If it is His will He will make it happen. I think I pray "safe" because I am worried that I am asking too much, or I think, why would God choose me. I like when my preacher says, "We serve a BIG God, and He can do BIG things!" So true.


I don't think I updated that my nurse called me back on Tuesday afternoon and said my bloodwork showed that everything was pretty much back to baseline, but the doctor wanted to wait a couple weeks for those follies to go back down. So........ I don't go back until next Tuesday. The Mr. is headed out of town the next day. I will be leaving a few days after that. Basically I will have to wait until after Christmas to start up the next cycle.

BUT (like many of you pointed out) my mind will be filled with family and friends with the holiday just around the corner. I need to use this time to get back on track. I have been working out (again... hopefully this time it will last! ha!) I want to just clear my mind.... just relax! Then in January - we can start the New Year fresh! With an IUI!

Oh... and more good news... our bedroom set FINALLY got here!! YAY!!!

Feeling blah

It's going to be one of those weeks for me. I am just feeling sad and "down".

I had my appointment this morning. My follies are enormous - surprise, surprise. I just knew this would happen. The doctor came in the room and I asked if this was "normal". I honestly didn't really understand what he explained to me. (big, medical words...) But I basically got that it happens, it isn't "normal" but it happens, especially when I am being stimulated. The Dr. said that they suspect it happens in "normal" people, but since they don't get an ultrasound it goes un-noticed.

Anyway, so then he said that we would probably have to wait about a week or a week and half to make sure these follies go back down to "normal" (I am getting carried away with the quotes!). Know what that means? It means that I will go back and not be able to do anything because the Mr. will be out of town - and then I'll be out of town for Christmas. Sooooo I think I am out this month. :(

The Dr. did say that it is completely up to us, but if we wanted to go ahead and be more aggressive, he would be okay doing an IUI this next cycle. That is some good news. I am looking forward to the next step.

They will call this afternoon after they check my bloodwork, but I'm pretty sure they won't want to see me back for at least a week. In the meantime, I will try to cheer up.