The other side.

Well after my last post... I broke down. But I'm better now :) I guess everyone just needs a good cry.

Yesterday I had lunch with my girlfriend that lost her baby a few weeks ago (she was around 7 weeks). It is really awkward for me to be on this side of things. I really feel like I am a sensitive person to infertility and miscarriages, since I've been through them both, but at the same time I feel almost fake because I am pregnant now.

We had a really good conversation. She opened up about how she is still having a hard time (understandable!) She is a strong Christain, and it is always good to hear her talking about things because she has such a way with words. It hurt to see her so sad.

I still feel like I am infertile. I still get hurt feelings when I see people posting on fb alll about their pregnancy. I get so excited when I read that an infertile is pregnant. I think those feelings will always be with me. Talking with my friend yesterday, she mentioned how she hasn't told everyone about it. I had been going through infertility treatments for about a year when I had my miscarriage and about a month after that I opened up and let the world know. I was just so tired of keeping it all in. I felt that I needed more prayers, and that I needed people to at least try to understand.

I hoped that no one would treat me any differently (which they did - like questioning whether to invite me to their kids bdays...) but I also hoped that if anyone else out there was going through it they didn't feel alone. Yesterday my friend told me that it had helped her. That she thought of us a lot. And that by itself made me glad I "outed" myself.

I think I am still in shock each day of this pregnancy that God has blessed us. In the back of my mind I also worry (I've made it this far.....). I am so very thankful. And I (and probably always will) pray for those that are still struggling, and that have had miscarriages.