I mentioned before... but I am having a hard time figuring out what to pray for. I am so scared of being let down, or disappointed...
If I pray for a child, then I run the risk of not getting one and being sad about it. I run the risk of getting back into the obsession of infertility treatments - which is fine, but I am not ready to be in that place yet. I run the risk of getting pregnant and then losing a baby... again. I don't want to go through any of that right now.
If I don't pray for a child... then I run the risk of not getting one. Which I don't know if I am okay with.
I know this sounds crazy. I think I just need to decide what I want and then put 100% into it. I am pretty sure I want another child. I get the ache when I see a newborn. I get teary when I see a mom holding her brand new baby. I can see our family with another child. I just need to work through being scared of all the other things that go along with wanting a child.
Maybe that's what I should pray for... guidance. God knows what I can and cannot handle. I need to pray that I just trust Him.