Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What to pray for...

I mentioned before... but I am having a hard time figuring out what to pray for.  I am so scared of being let down, or disappointed...
If I pray for a child, then I run the risk of not getting one and being sad about it.  I run the risk of getting back into the obsession of infertility treatments - which is fine, but I am not ready to be in that place yet.  I run the risk of getting pregnant and then losing a baby... again.  I don't want to go through any of that right now.
If I don't pray for a child... then I run the risk of not getting one.  Which I don't know if I am okay with.

I know this sounds crazy.  I think I just need to decide what I want and then put 100% into it.  I am pretty sure I want another child.  I get the ache when I see a newborn.  I get teary when I see a mom holding her brand new baby.  I can see our family with another child.  I just need to work through being scared of all the other things that go along with wanting a child.

Maybe that's what I should pray for... guidance.  God knows what I can and cannot handle.  I need to pray that I just trust Him. 

1 comment:

  1. First, thanks so much for your sweet comment the other day. I'm glad to see that you're back. :)

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the struggles that have come with it. I often wonder if, as infertiles or subfertiles (or whatever our title should be), we ever truly get over the fear. It makes me so thankful to have the Lord. Even when I don't know how or what to pray, there is comfort knowing that He's always there.

    I think you're right on track in praying for guidance. I try to pray for His will to be done and for me to have the understanding and the knowledge to know what His will for us might be. I'll certainly be praying the same for you. Hugs. :)