I'm back!

I don't even think I posted about me leaving! :)
The Mr. and I met my parents down in the Virgin Islands for a week! It was wonderful!! Just the break we needed! We had perfect weather, and I didn't get too sunburned! Now if it would just stay warm here!

I have a lot of catching up to do with you guys! Can't wait to hear what's been going on.

Oh and I am officially in 2nd trimester now!! WOW! I can't even believe it! Can't wait till I start feeling my little one move!

13 Weeks

My appointment this morning went wonderful! As soon as we were in a room we got to hear the heartbeat! What a beautiful sound! Every once in a while you'd hear a little bump, the nurse said it was the baby kicking! haha It was so funny!

I have gained 2 pounds since last time I was there (4 weeks ago). We have the anatomy a.k.a. find-out-what-we're-having appointment on May 6th. YAY!

I just feel so grateful that everything was good! It was so reassuring to hear that heartbeat! And I am almost out of 1st trimester! I have most of my energy back, which is awesome! and I still have not been sick... so I am thinking I am good to go!

During my bible study the other night I came across this verse:

"Don't be afraid, just believe" (Mark 5:36)

I thought, okay. I won't be afraid anymore. I can't spend my time worrying if this little baby is still doing okay. I just have to believe that he/she is and let God do His job. So, there. That's what I'm going to do (okay, I am going to try to do that. Try really, really hard!)

Much better!

I caved and called the nurse yesterday soon after I posted.
She asked me tons of questions (bleeding? no. burning when urinate? no. urinating more frequently? no.) I told her I was probably being dramatic but since I had not been cramping, it had me concerned. She went ahead and let me come in and did a urine test. She was looking for the beginning of a uti. They are sending it off to culture. I am much better though! I started feeling better once I was home and relaxed. Then today, I'm good to go.

Hopefully it was just stretching, making room for the babe. I go in on Thursday for my 13 (thirteen!!! wow!) week appointment. I will feel better once they let me hear that wonderful little heartbeat!

I did get a call this morning about my bloodwork. - I went and had my 1st tri bloodwork done last Friday - Everything looked great! She said that all the tests they ran came back just the way they should! I have no clue what tests they did, but boy am I glad they came back okay! :)

Thanks ladies for your prayers yesterday! I don't know how not to worry when I get twinges or anything out of the ordinary!

Monday Paranoia

So I am having cramps.
Is this normal? I really haven't cramped much.
This morning I laid on the couch, and turned to pet my dog and felt a twinge. Nothing major, I just laid back down and was fine.
After getting to work I have had mild cramps all morning. I don't feel bad, so I don't think it's what the Mr. has. They feel more like I worked out and now I'm kind of achy.
Maybe I should just call the nurse. I have my appointment on Thursday.
I wish I could just go home and lay on the couch!

Packing.

This weekend I got the Mr. to get down our totes of summer clothes. I wanted to get started packing for our trip next weekend. (I know it seems early, but I just don't have much energy after I get home from work during the week). I got all my shorts together so I could try them all on to make sure they fit.

Most of them didn't.

Wow. That really bothered me! I know it sounds ridiculous. I know I'm pregnant and I'm supposed to get bigger. I guess I am still second guessing it. I wish I had an ultrasound machine where I could just look and see it anytime I wanted too! (Although I might never leave the house then!) I am just at the in between stage where I look plumper than usual, but still don't really have that baby bump.

I just got home a little bit ago and my husband is sick. Like puking sick. I hate that! I wish I could make him feel better, and at the same time I am trying not to get too close! Hopefully it will just be a 24 hour bug. :(

March 9, 2010

Today would have been the due date of our first baby.
It seems so crazy that it has been 9 months. I haven't gotten emotional about it, but it is definitely a thought that remains with me throughout the day.

I feel so blessed with the peace of God right now. I am in a good place. He is reminding me that He is in control. Although it is sad to remember back and think of our sweet first baby, I just have to remember that God picked us up, brushed us off, and helped us clean up the pieces. And now He has blessed us beyond words with another sweet baby.

Okay now I'm getting emotional...

Crazy girl!

I have been so busy with work last week and weekend! It is the busiest week/weekend of the year! On Thursday, I worked from 8 till 7:30 that night! And my boss even let me leave early! Then on Friday I was back at work at 8, running around all day. When I left around 4, I called the Mr. and broke into tears! I am talking big sobs! First off, I am NOT a very emotional person! Second, what the heck?! I am sure it's the hormones! I was just sooo tired! My poor husband had no clue what to say! When I talked to him later that night (after I slept for about 2 hours) he even said, "I figured the morning sickness would hit you, but not that!!" haha

I am better now :) After my breakdown, I watched House on t.v. and guess what? I cried! Tears just fell down my face! Who cries at House?!

So, then yesterday I had a panic. Is there really something in there??? I even have the heart beat monitor thing... The Mr. is better at finding the heartbeat than me, so I had him find it for me last night so I could listen. But that wasn't good enough. I then made him put it on his stomach just so I could make sure that it sounded different on mine. It did, but I still worry. My doctor told me I could come in anytime and she would check the hearbeat for me... but I really don't want to be THAT girl, plus there is only 2 more weeks until I go back for my appointment. I can make it. I just have to keep praying that God will take away this worry! I just need to remember to trust Him.

Am I seriously going crazy?!

:)

God's rules are right

I did my daily devotional yesterday and something in it caught my attention. It said something along the lines of,

"You must be committed to God's right to rule and confident that God's rules are right."

How true is this?! One goes with the other.
It just really spoke to me.
I think so many times I have a problem that I am definitely committed to God and know His right to rule, but sometimes I fall short when I am confident that His rules are right. So many times I try to justify things and make things the way I want them.

Throughout the struggle with infertility I tried so many times to make things "right", and really it isn't until I truely give it to God and trust that His rules are right that I really get the peace that I so desperately desire!

On another note - now that I am pregnant, I still haven't lost the feeling of being infertile. I don't know if that will ever go away. I don't know if I want it to. Infertility has made me so much stronger. It brought me closer to God and my husband. It has given me this outlet to find so many other women that can relate. It still makes me cry to think about the struggles that I and most of you girls have gone through or are going through. I hate it. I feel like having gone through so much to get to this point, I treasure being pregnant so much differently (more?) than someone that hasn't gone through it.

I know that it is hard to read about pregnancies when you are trying to hard to get pregnant. I don't know if I have lost any readers. I understand if I have. I am still praying for those out there that are stuggling. I think I always will. I have such a spot in my heart for it now. God is so good and He knows the stuggles, He sees every tear and hears every prayer.

MIA

I know, I know I have been a SLACKER!! Work has been so busy lately, then this weekend my mom and aunt came to visit... I have just been busy!

When my mom and aunt got here and I picked them up from the airport, my aunt told me she had some books for me. She has a daughter (that's 6 years older than me) that has 2 kids and one on the way. My aunt also told me she had a fetal monitor!! I was SOOO excited to try it! When I got home I laid down and tried to hear the heartbeat. I thought I did, but I lost it right after I found it. This is by no means a high tech gadget. It has earphones so only one person can hear at a time. By yesterday The Mr. and I sat down and we definitely heard it!!! It was SO exciting! We had debated about renting one... but I think you need a prescription or something... anyway it was so much fun!

My aunt is a big shopper! I am not!! But she told me to find some consignment shops in the area because they usually have really good deals on baby/kid outfits. We ended up going to 2 that are pretty close to my house, and wow was she right! I didn't buy anything yet, but I am definitely going back!

It was so great to see some of my family! I miss them so much!

As far as me... I'm still doing great! I am still tired, but really having no other major symptoms. I am getting "thicker" though! Really I wish I would just get a big ole belly bump instead of this in between! haha! I think people are questioning if I'm getting fat or if I'm pregnant! And I still feel like it's too early to get maternity pants! I might have to break down in the next week or so though!

I hate that I've been such a slacker! I can't wait to go through and see what you girls have been up to!