Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hopefully the last one

Tonight was hopefully the last shot I have to do...
and I had a breakdown. I haven't cried like that since our miscarriage. I don't even know what got into me. I really felt like this cycle wasn't working. The last time I did these Menopur shots, I felt so crampy and bloated by day 5. That was when I had 2 big follicles. This time around I haven't felt anything, it is a bit discouraging.

So, tonight I just let everything build up and pour out. The Mr. just held me and let me cry. I am just feeling helpless... it is so frustrating dealing with infertility. It makes trying to have a baby so mechanical. Part of me kind of feels like the rest of the world just have stopped too - since we can't have a baby right now I feel like no one else should be able to either. Selfish, I know. I just can't help it.

I just finished my shot. It is getting easier. Tomorrow morning I have an appointment. I have been praying that things go smoothly. Yesterday I was at such peace with this cycle, and today I am completely upside down about it. We'll see how things go tomorrow.

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