Guess who?

Guess who decided to show up this morning???
My period.
Dangit.
I was having horrible cramping, which I know all too well. I told the Mr. when I woke up that AF was on the way - I could feel it. The Mr. left for work before I did this morning, and right after he left I went to the bathroom. Oh, she is definitely here! I got on my knees and prayed. And the tears started flowing. I prayed that God remind me of how much I am blessed with. And that He lift me up and give me the peace I so desperately need. I prayed that His will be done, and that He make His will mine. Lastly I prayed for God comfort me and to please please be with me right now.
Then I looked at my daily prayer book. Today it said that "your suffering is not in vain". God will be glorified! I don't have the book with me right now or I would quote the whole thing! But it really spoke to me!
All along I have prayed that I desire a child, a healthy child. If this is not in God's will for me right now, then give me peace with that. I would rather see a BFN than go through another miscarriage!

I feel like I am rambling....
I am sad, I really thought this time worked.
But I can't help but try to look at the positive (I would still be curled up in a ball in bed if I didn't!) I am so blessed in other ways! And this isn't the end! God didn't tell me no, He just told me that now isn't the right time.

So... again... I wait... wait for AF to make her appearance then disappear again... wait to see what the doctor has me do next.